happy new year from thailand

Every new year is a mandatory universal bricolage, lashing together unthinkable complexities of miscellaneous individuals of every possible characteristic. The preceding years would just be fait accompli, an antecedent which would never matter.

Embrace the future, grasp your destiny. Celebrate the coming of another flickering moment in time. Celebrate 2007, and with all that's been said, happy new year dudes.

Chapter 1/2: Hope

Adrenaline pulsed through his veins as he rushed down the empty street, turning down a deserted alley in search for a much needed escape. The Evil One was gaining on the boy, and surely there would be an unthinkable fate which would befall him if the Evil One ever laid his hands on him.

The stench of death filled the air.

The alley was engulfed in darkness, and along with all the rest of the city, devoid of any signs of life. The Evil One had annihilated every single human being in the city, with the exception of one particular individual; one seven years of age. This boy proved to be a much tougher nut to crack compared to the rest of the population. How ironic it is, the Evil One chuckled to himself, that boy is the Chosen One? Once I get my claws on him, the treasure would be mine. I shall bring Armageddon to this Earth.

His breathing grew heavier and heavier. There has to be a way, he thought as he looked around him in despair. He could hear heavy footsteps approaching, and he could feel the ground shaking. The Evil One was only a few strides away, and an ominous feeling churned in the depths of his stomach. There had to be a way. Running past his deserted home, he recalled how his mother used to say “When there's a will, there's a way, Sonny.” A brilliant plan came to his mind almost that instant, along with a stream of tears, for realization had dawned upon him. Papa and Mama were gone, who would play with him when he was bored? Who would console him when he was crying? The boy ran right into the arms of darkness, and he could be seen no more.

The Evil One, sensing that his prey had stopped running, hastened into the alley. He was greeted by nothing but darkness. A pair of luminous, crimson eyes pierced through the darkness, searching for the boy. Nothing could be seen, for darkness engulfed everything. The Evil One swung His humongous arms blindly, and everything gave way; but the boy was nowhere to be seen. A roar of fury escaped Him. The ground shook.

“No one, not a single living thing, had ever escaped my clutches after I have set my eyes upon them. What more a little boy? No. He must be hiding somewhere nearby, and I will find him, wherever he is. I shall hunt for the treasure till the day Death himself greets me”, The Evil One said in a deadly whisper.

True enough, the boy was indeed hiding somewhere nearby, not daring to breathe for fear of the impending doom which would meet him if he was found. There was no way out now. The Evil One was approaching his hideout.

Tears streaked across his face as he surveyed the scene before him. All he wanted was to be at home with Papa and Mama, just like he used to. He wanted to feel the warmth of home; the warmth of his mother's embrace; the warmth of his father's smile. Simple things they might be, but it was all impossible now. What awaited him was the fiery wrath of the Evil One. The poor boy had been subject to two extremes in the matter of one day. Wounds dug themselves into his heart that day; wounds that would never heal.

“Be brave, m'boy. Be brave. Papa will be so proud of you.”

Papa’s voice rang in his head. Yes, he decided that he would be brave, so that Papa would be proud of him wherever he was. The boy took a knife out of his pocket- Papa had given it to him before the Evil One came to the city- and prepared to face Death himself face to face.

An iron grip clenched itself on his stiff shoulders, sending a jolt of fear through his veins. He tried to stab whatever it was that was gripping his shoulders, but something pulled the knife out of his grip. Feeling utterly helpless and defenseless, the boy began to cry.

“Shh! Don't make any noise! We don't want that beast to know we're here!” The voice of a man whispered fearfully.

A pair of crimson eyes appeared right in front of them. Those gigantic arms were stretching out, poised to get a grip on the Chosen One. A burst of energy emerged from within the boy, and everything seemed to slow down for an instant, slowing down almost to a halt. The boy wriggled free of the man’s grip and jumped towards the Evil One- knife in hand- thrusting the knife forward with all his might.

The knife dug into flesh.

A loud roar- of agony this time- escaped the Evil One. The knife had stabbed the heart, whether was it by sheer luck or by Fate’s hands. The Evil One had fallen in the battle against the Chosen One. The clouds opened up and a massive spectrum of light filled the city. The lifeless body came crashing down onto the ground. A feeling long forgotten- hope- entered the hearts of the survivors. They had survived the ordeal.

POST!

Alright, so I am finally sitting here typing out my first post in about a week. Many apologies to my oh-so-faithful readers- accompanied with much gratitude- for making you wait so long. I was in Jakarta, where there was minimum and very painfully sluggish internet access for me. My blog took ages to load and I could not even tag my own board, much less publish a post.

So now, here is the post you guys have been waiting for!

According to my sources, the results for PAE has been announced, and apparently my beloved class has a huge majority of CJ-goers. Whew. The fun is just beginning for you guys! Meanwhile enjoy the holidays to the fullest though.

As for the team, it seems that we have been spread between four JCs; HCI, VJ, CJ and MJ. Which has me literally running every night for my life, next year is going to be one super tough year. Yuan Hong and Edmund would be formidable opponents if they are to be Victorians, and they definitely would not want to lose to Hwa Chong if they're Victorians, would they? Now that's a good reason to train ultra hard. Marcus and Benjamin are in CJ, and Cheng Yew is in MJ. Wonder if they will continue playing? Regardless of all that, we still have Chiang Mai. One last tournament as Catholic High Softballers, but hopefully not the last one together as brothers-in-arms; I would miss being a part of this brotherhood.

I am very much looking forward to JC life. I miss school, and that is how unproductive and boring my holidays are. I simply cannot wait. I think when I go out to the society, I would miss my school days a lot, and I am pretty certain that I am not the only person who thinks that way.

Meanwhile, I still have one more week here. The food is obviously good, the people are great, but the life's a bit boring. I have to resort to TV-whoring my day away. Not healthy, and definitely very favourable for stomach expansion. I have to run more.

Christmas is here again, and I am wondering why its here so hastily! At this rate, before I know it I'd be a sickly old man riding on a flying saucer (suppose someone finds an adequate alternative for fossil fuels) wondering why time travels so quickly. How long would the supply of coal last? Around 40 years? I wouldn't be dead by then (hopefully), so how am I going to survive? I wonder.

Alright it's a bit late now, so I am going to end off here. Miss everyone.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!

My First Time

Hiya!

Good holidays for you I hope? It has indeed been a very interesting trip for me, coming into the fourth day of my "holiday". I have been faced with many challenges during these four days, and I would very much like to share one particularly huge challenge with you, my readers! Aren't I kind. Haha.

My first ever lesson. Oh me gosh alright yeah I did go teaching English to children of about seven or eight years of age. Let's say it was a good experience. Yeah. Sure.

Alright, here is how it went. I was down at the school to help out as an assistant for the English Club they had there. Well, fine. I got myself sent to class and guess what. There were twenty kids there, I had to take 10.

I thought I was an assistant. >.< ... Alright so I had to go impromptu.

"What's this?" I asked the group, pointing at the whiteboard. I'd expected no answer.

"WHITEBOARD!" The kids chorused. Oh dearie me, I underestimated them.

"What's that called?" I said again, pointing at the clouds.

Silence. It appears that I had stumped them. Ooh yeah.

"CLOUD!" One kid shouted. My, my. Smarty pants. They were good.

I proceeded to draw things on the whiteboard, telling them to spell out the words. All correct. It was as if they did not need me at all.

It was time to teach them the difference between a hat and a cap, but apparently one particular boy was not listening. In fact, he was running around the room shouting like who-knows-what. Apparently the boy was stupid because he tried to crash me. When I caught him by the shoulder, he looked shocked; as if anything he ever crashed had given way. Party time.

"Sit down." I tried to say nicely. Wrong move. He began running about again that instant. Time for plan B, if there ever was one, I thought of something that very moment.

"FIVE marks off your paper if you don't sit down." They had done a worksheet in class previously, and the boy achieved the lowest mark in class- 11 out of 15- not that it was a great achievement that would leave you ga-ga-ing over. He was about to beat the record.

-5. I still can't believe I did it, but well, a hungry man is an angry man. I was hungry and pissed then. 6 out of 15. Just what he deserved. Why? You ask. The kid tried to strangle me. Oh how cute. I very nearly wanted to kick him out, but nah. He's just a kid. Some super emo kid who needs attention. I tried to be nice again.
"Sit down, PLEASE."

He began running about again, this time punching a little boy in the face. He cried, poor boy.

I kicked the kid out, told him to go to the office and look for the principal (my uncle). Cruel? Far from it. I was just being kind, for all you know it might help. He didn't want to go, and I made him promise that he would keep quiet. Good. Peace, finally.

Now the kids know the difference between a hat and a cap. Nice, cute kids they are.

Holiday?

First time I'm posting from outside Singapore! I am in Indonesia now, for those who didn't know already and I will be here for around a month- until the 26th of December- right after your Christmas, which I hope will be a good one- and I probably will come back with more… mass.

It has been a ferry ride, a plane ride, countless car rides and a total of 3 days (exactly 72 hours), since I left Singapore. It felt like a month; mostly because I have had literally nothing to do but stone. I should take up photography or something, so I won't be bored when I'm stuck in an enclosed space. I could try taking pictures of my own shadow from like, 15,931 different angles. How's that?

Nah.

Let me list down all the significant things (other than living and breathing and crapping etc.) I have done since I got here.
1. Eat pizza
2. Eat pasta
3. Drink one heck of a cool glass of soda
4. Play softball with a cute kid
5. Tune my cousin’s mini guitar
6. Watch 3 DVDs (Kung Fu Hustle, Hero and Nanny McPhee)
7. Play arcade
8. Stone

Sounds like a boring trip eh? Yeah. For the first 72 hours only I hope. I seriously cannot stand living like this for one full month I’ll end up a pig.

Or am I already one?

It took me quite a bit of luck to be able to gain access to a computer (an office computer), good thing I went in the office when everyone's away for lessons. For your information, if you didn't already know, I am living in a Chinese tuition centre (with surround sound in my room) and a whole cupboard full of DVDs. Maybe I should just go and watch DVDs 24/7 until I get something decent to do.

Alright since I’m beginning to miss Singapore, let's talk a bit about the days before my departure.

Number One: I hate Vivocity

Wait, wait. Before you jump to a conclusion that this is some super emo hate column about the shopping centre, let me get something clear. It is not. No billingsgates will appear in this post (I rarely use them anyway), and it is just a personal opinion. Everyone's entitled to their own opinions in this "free" world, I believe?

Firstly, why in the world would anyone build anything so huge in Singapore?

I had much trouble walking around that gigantic block of concrete, I could not find anything I wanted to find, and the sore leg wasn't helping much. It was, say, a torture. No wonder there were so many people around sitting on wheelchairs being pushed by pitiful maids. Vivo is a full-fledged torture machine. When you get flooded by a throng of over-enthusiastic shoppers just to find out that the movie tickets were sold out (even if there were tickets, like, one whole lot of people were there queuing up for tickets. The tickets would have been sold out by the time I reached the end of the queue anyway.

Wait.

I had spent slightly more than three quarters of an hour walking around that thing, and I couldn't even locate a McDonalds. Was it me or what? I couldn't even find a directory when I needed one (all the time). Met quite a few people I know though.

With all that has been said, though, I have to learn to love that thing.

Anyway, was just wondering if the name came from the word vivacious.

I might learn to love it soon enough. The first place I have seen with both Coffee Bean and Starbucks. Oh-so-totally-awesome.

Number Two: Cineleisure?

Well, since I couldn't get my movie tickets at Vivo I ended up drinking coffee at the Starbucks opposite Cineleisure. Drank my java chip, wrote some Christmas cards and proceeded to go on to Cineleisure for some ticket-buying.

All I found were a few stragglers walking around aimlessly and there was no one queuing up for tickets at all. A darned stark contrast with Vivocity. Thank God for Cineleisure.

To the people concerned, thank you very much for a nice experience! Battle of Wits was really good, what with Mozi and all. The stars weren't too bad either, only that there was one little red thing in view. Maybe it was Mars? Chuckles.

Alright I have to go stuff myself on good, cheap food.

Have fun and goodbye! Be writing again soon! God bless.

Children's Camp/ Graduation Night 2006

Apparently, the 'O' levels are over. I am still waiting for reality to sink in, but then again, it takes time and I am still living with the guilt of not studying everyday.

It ended 7 days ago.

Meanwhile I shall ramble about the children's camp; another ephemeral experience which has left me pretty much attached. Not the first time something like this ever happened. Well, in short, it was pretty awesome.


The inclusion of little me as a guitarist for the children's camp- which I am utterly convinced that it was an entirely thoughtless act- had resulted in some really cool outcomes. Me and Rebecca Gan (both first-time performers in their debuts) had to play for the worship sessions when Tian Yao was not around. Surprisingly we did quite well. Very oh-so-absolutely well I must say, except for a few very minor glitches. My suggestion of placing "I Love You Jesus" has also been ULTRA successful. Now I myself am addicted to the song.

The children's camp was an amazing experience, quite unlike previous years where I acted as a dumb social outcast who barely breathed even a word for most of the time. This year, it was entirely different.

I was more of a cheerful person than anything else except for Monday night when I got all emo because the stupid operation took longer than usual. 14 hours! Crikey. Thanks to the guys who bothered to try to console me or anything. Appreciated deeply.

The games were very good, I must say. Water bombs especially. My group tried to ration, but our bombs were being annihilated by the opponents. Ended up whacking everything randomly. Bible quiz was pretty much enriching and fresh, Crazy Taxi was indeed crazy, and the movies were awesome (both lakehouse and eight below).

Apparently I clocked in only a miserable total of 4-5 hours of sleep in three nights. A record for me? Year by year, the children's camp is the milestone by which I gauge myself in comparison to the previous year, to see how much I have grown and matured. I have accomplished much this year, and I thank God for His providence.

The kids were awesome, even though I was treated in every aspect as a punching bag at one point of time. I had to admit that I was pretty much pissed off then, but I learnt to live with it and move on the better things. Kids will be kids! Someone gave me a tight slap on the face though. Hurts like mad.

Everything was good though, and I would like to thank everyone for this wonderful experience. The teachers, the kids and especially the "xiao lao shi"s. It was fun.

Somehow I was reassured of my stand of wanting to be a teacher. I am pretty sure that it is not an easy job, but the satisfaction felt when the job is done would definitely be tremendous. This, however, is a by-product. For I do not want to teach for my own satisfaction. I want to change lives.

Which leads me to the topic of Graduation Night @ Sentosa.

It had to rain.

The rain had changed the course of our graduation night, and the venue was switched to the ballroom. I was quite disappointed at first, so I went to play tabletennis, and all disappointment was dissolved. Mr Leong, I am so going to beat you one day.

The food was nothing much, actually. Excess pasta was emptied onto undeserving plates (certainly not mine) and there went my dinner. NO PASTA D: The only good thing about the dinner were the cakes. OMG THE APPLE PIE. That thing seriously has to go out into the open market. Awesome stuff.

Won a Billabong wallet from the lucky draw, the first time in my life I have won anything in a lucky draw. It's quite nice, actually. Poor Cheng Yew won some Mongolian BBQ voucher lol. He gave it away.

It was quite an experience, and my last one as a Catholic High student. There ends the days filled with billingsgates and so-called unwholesome acts. I embrace the new life that is greeting me, beckoning for me to courageously leave my old life; cross the hurdle and continue the race. I will do so, and may God grant me strength to forge on.

Somewhere in outer space,
God has prepared a place,
For those who trust him and obey.
Jesus will come again,
And though we don't know when,
The countdown's getting lower everyday.

Ten and nine,
Eight and seven,
Six and five and four,
Call upon the Saviour while you may.
Three and two,
Coming through,
The clouds in bright array,
The countdown's getting lower everyday.

Growing Old.

The old man trudged with much difficulty down the ashen path. He winced with every step he took, grimacing as jolts of pain shot through his body. Halting momentarily to catch his breath, he silently stared at the winding road ahead. When I get to the end of this road, he thought, I am going to get my due reward. He patted his own shoulder and slowly shuffled on with a brilliant smile on his face; down the winding path and to where, only God knows.

Meanwhile, somewhere in a village not too far away, a woman was near hysterics; her father had disappeared from right under her nose, and now he was nowhere to be found.

"Crikey, it's almost as if he vanished into thin air!" The village chief exclaimed. The entire village was clueless on the whereabouts of the old man. Where could he have gone to?

"Village! Listen up! We'll split up and search, report back here before the sun sets!" The chief ordered. Immediately the villagers set out into the wilderness to search for the old man.

The old man halted once again, this time at the end of the path, holding on to his walking stick for support. Wiping the sweat off his brow, he glanced at the scene that lay before him. Gasps of awe escaped him as he surveyed the impending sunset; it was as if it was his first time viewing that amber sphere descending from all its majesty. It would have been a lot more enjoyable if not for the rheumatism, he thought, as he seated himself on the lush green grass.

The woman got more and more flustered by the second. The sun was already setting, but she still saw no sign of her father. She tried to convince herself that nothing unfortunate had befallen him, but her imagination ran wild. No, the other villagers must have found him, she thought to herself. Holding on to the last remaining strands of hope, she hastily made her way back to the village.

No one had found her father.

That night, the woman carried an oil lamp and went out into the wilderness, searching for her father. She ravaged through the forests and looked behind every rock, but to no avail. Her father had vanished. The woman knelt down and wailed in anguish.

Just then, she heard a familiar sound in the distance.

"Clunk."

It was the sound of...

"Clunk."

She could not remember what that sound belonged to. The sound grew louder and louder...

"Clunk!"

It was the sound of...

"Clunk!"

Wood on rock! She remembered now. It was the sound of her father's walking stick!

Soon she saw the figure of an old man shuffling towards her. She rushed up and hugged the old man.

"Father! Where did you go? I was so worried about you. How could you disappear like that?"

"Where did I go? Ha! Why should I tell you? Its my little secret!"

The way her father talked reminded her of a small child. As they trudged back to the village, hand in hand, she felt as if she was guiding a child who had just learnt to walk. Her body was young, but her soul was old.

How she wanted to be like her father.

The Delivery.

A man appeared on Kingston Street one winter's night. He was a fairly lanky man of about six feet tall, apparelled in a dreary ashen suit, matched with an equally cinereous pair of long pants. He wore a carroty, tattered shawl about his neck, along with a tawny hat (apparently made from some sort of animal) which entirely failed to conceal his inky hair. On his heavily scarred face was a set of eyes which glared menacingly onto the well-lit pavement, accompanied with a crooked smile which revealed a set of yellowish teeth. I could almost see holes materializing on the spot of pavement at which he was staring so viciously at. What was most unsettling was that he was holding something in his arms, and it was covered with a huge piece of jet-black cloth.

I had been living there at Kingston Street ever since I could remember. Nothing bizarre had ever occured there, if my memories serve me well. The apartment had been mine since Dad and Mom got caught in a freak accident, in which they were trampled to death by the elephant in the local zoo. Curse that humongous snouted creature- my parents had to be literally scraped off the floor after the elephant was done with them. I was only ten at that time. Goodness knows what they were doing up there, sitting on top of the elephant cage. Ever since then, I led a solitary life in the enclosure of my childhood home, rarely speaking to anyone or making any acquaintances. The wounds which scarred me were too deep, leaving me a pretty much highly paranoid individual.

My mind tried to come out with some logical reasoning to explain why that man was approaching my abode, but nothing came.

The eerie sound of his footsteps over the snow reverberated through the alleyway. His shadow extended itself ominously across the length of the pavement as he trod unhurriedly down the alley. It was as if he was here to carry out some evil plan, I thought as I observed him timidly through a gap in my cerulean curtains. Was it me, or did that crooked smile on his face just grow wider? The whole scene was beginning to unsettle me. In the subtle warmth of my room, a trickle of cold sweat appeared on my brow. I instantaneously wiped it away. What was this feeling? Fear? I have never feared anything in my life. Why would I be afraid of some man walking down my alley?

The questions were left unanswered as they buzzed around in my head.

My mind was swirling, trying to find a reason for the appearance of that man. Nothing came. I had no enemies, nor had I offended anyone in recent times, and there was certainly no reason for anyone to want to hurt me.

Why? Why?

He came nearer and nearer with every passing moment, his features slowly becoming more distinct. My mind told me to run, to hide in a place where that man would not be able to find me, but my body would not budge. I was helplessly rooted to the sofa, my unwilling eyes transfixed on the man.

Before I knew it, he was knocking at my door.

I jolted up from my sofa. Should I run, or should I open the door? I could not think straight at that moment, for I felt as if I was being gripped by a metal vice.

The knocking grew more impatient with every passing second, increasing in amplitude and adding to my discomfort. I started shivering.

Get it over and done with, you useless sack of potato! My mind screamed at my stiff body.

I ran over and pulled the door wide open. A gust of chilly wind swept in through the doorway. Those horrendous-looking eyes were boring holes into me, I was about to take flight before he articulated in a peculiar, croaky voice.

"Good evening sir! Fedex delivery!" The man exclaimed as a glint of purple shone through his black suit.

Phew.

Curve or Straight Line? Your Choice.

So today was the physics practicals. No more pre-war battle simulations. That was war, albeit one which involved a nice-looking pink marble and a pretty convex lens. Oh, and lots of blu-tack as well.

I can just imagine a war in which students of every school throw balls of blu-tack at a bunch of Cambridge Markers, all for the sake of getting that extra mark for their practicals. To think I paid them to seal my fate. This is beginning to feel very wrong. Me, working endlessly day and night, just because I paid a bunch of old men (pardon the generalization) to seal my fate.

Actually, everyone had the choice. Anyone could be getting their distinctions, but why are they not getting them? Why are there still F9s out there? It all starts from one basic phrase quoted from the oh-so-great Shakespeare.

"To be or not to be?"

The student version goes, "To study or not to study?", "To listen or not to listen?", etc. It is all a matter of choice. Which leads me to the topic of "Choices".

Choices are all around us. From waking up to sleeping, the choice is always ours to make. In fact, choosing is of essence to the human. To choose is to have freedom; to choose is to have power; to choose is to live.

Well, as a human, you could choose to eat or to skip a meal. You could choose to miss that examination, or to study for it and ace it. You could choose to play, or to make good use of your time. You could choose anything and everything. In fact, choosing not to choose anything is still a choice, which explains YH's calculator theorem.

You take your oh-so-reliable calculator and enter any integer, followed by the 'Choose' button and a zero. Hey. You get a one. I would like to elaborate more on the calculator thing though. Sometimes, you make a choice in life, and it opens up many other choices for you. Its a chain reaction. Which makes me wonder what choices led to Osama wanting to bomb the WTC.

You could have chosen to draw that straight line, or maybe that curve. Whichever it was, you cannot change it. Its all up to the Cambridge Markers to choose.

Now go back to your desk and do your work. Its not as if the war is over.

This is not the time for cowardice,
For if a single man retreats;
If your mind is weak, if your fire dies;
You'll suffer the first of a thousand defeats.
Let there be blood in the streets;
The war has begun.

Bye Macs.

It was a place which had been there since anyone could remember (9 years to be precise), it was the place where I spent a bit of my childhood on (my mum used to take me there every week), and it was the place where I did my 'O' level mugging. You should have guessed it by now. Yes, McDonalds Bishan Interchange has closed down, taking one space in my heart down with it.

It felt surreal just looking at that "We're Closed" sign. I was there studying for the whole day on the 24th of October. Halfway while studying, Nat struck up a conversation, and we began chatting about the good old times. McDonalds Bishan Interchange was where some of our childhood memories resided. Another landmark to remind ourselves of our past innocence was now gone.

It was pretty much emotional, really. I ate my last McDonalds meal there with Nat. Too bad they ran out of mayo- much to You Jin's dismay (and mine too)- and I had to eat with a minor dose of disgruntlement. I enjoyed it nevertheless. It would have been fine eating anything there, in the shelter of that oh-so-familiar place.

The memories, the people, the happenings, the sights, the sounds, even the guitar-playing sing-song sessions. These things have earned themselves a place in my heart. Of course, one thing I would not miss is the trans-fat, which makes me ultra guilty after every bite.

Natural fats are easier to burn.

It was there that I was myself. More or less. The people who were there at the closing saw it. It was me, yes, me. It was the real me which pulled down the 'Grilled Chicken Foldover' placards from the ceiling. The real me. How I wish he could come by more often. Too bad the manager had to take the placards away. It would have been a pretty nice piece of decoration for my wall.

Goodbye Bishan Interchange Macs. Everyone will miss you. Especially me.

To think that I have to face physics practicals tomorrow. Gosh.

Ramblings.

P4 Streaming, PSLE, Sec 2 Streaming, 'O' levels, 'A' levels.

This system has certainly (somehow) kept me on my toes. There I was, an innocent primary four kid of only 10, and a knife buried itself in my back. Well, actually not a knife- I was EM1- but imagine if I was still far away in Lalaland and I was entirely clueless on what school was about. Imagine if I had ended up in EM3. How could one's fate be sealed at such an early age?

I am not saying that the streaming system is ineffective, for it would be totally against what I had learnt in Social Studies lesson. I am just saying that primary 4 is too early to begin with it.

The system is designed in such a way that the student has to face a major examination every two years. Terror of terrors, horror of horrors. Consistency seems to be the only way out. With that, it leaves no room for slacking (but people still slack anyway) and only space for working. Every student would agree that the holidays are pretty much short-lived, with only a few public holidays dotting the calendar. The life of the student is getting tougher.

Imagine a young boy of merely 10 years old, going to the school in the neighbourhood. This is his streaming year, and he does not even know the impact his results would bring on his future. He takes the exam, and he failed miserably. He gets sent to EM3.

Does that make him a loser in life?

Thanks be to the ministry for taking action to abolish the EM3 stream.

I, on the other hand, am facing an entirely different crisis. If this was a game, I would be at the stage where you fight a smaller boss before the big one comes out. The problem is that I am uncertain even about the smaller boss.

That big fat doughnut. 'O' levels. I wonder what flavour it is. Sweet? Sour? Salty? Bitter? For all you know I might just get a mix of flavours. Sweet and sour, sour and bitter (no, please), etc. I wish I'd get that sweet raspberry doughnut to go along with my coffee, before choosing the toppings for my 'A'pple strudel. I wonder what choices they give you in Hwa Chong? Peking duck on my 'A'pple strudel?

Life has been pretty exhausting nowadays. I am being very unproductive, honestly. My rate of two papers a day is hardly sufficient. I have to pull my socks up.

I wonder what would happen if I happen to be wearing ankle socks though.

Ifs and What Ifs

This morning something decidedly peculiar happened. A phenomena which gives a moderately similar effect when compared to deja vu- realization. Somehow (perhaps through sleep spindles?) it dawned upon me that war was only three weeks away. To be frank, I myself have no words to describe that feeling. Fear? Anxiety? These words cannot cover entirely how I felt (or am feeling now), and I shall only give a pathetic attempt at expressing my feelings.

"Felt like I was going to regurgitate the previous night's dinner."

Personally, everything has passed by so quickly. Four years ago (or was it yesterday?), I was just stepping into school fresh from my "success" in the PSLE. Now, I am three weeks away from the big 'O'. I believe that I have commited myself entirely to this goal, my heart and nerve and sinew. What if I do not achieve what goals I have set for myself? I would be severely upset. Every single day, I have busied myself with numerous practice papers (of varying subjects and school of origin) and worked "tirelessly" through each day. I certainly hope that I would be able to repeat my success in the PSLE. After all, I am going to HCI, and that is a place where I would have to put even more effort to keep up with the rest. A good L1R5 would certainly assist me in doing so.

What if, what if, what if. These words are ceaselessly reverberating in my head at present. I have become more or less paranoid nowadays (which leaves me wondering why I am typing this post when I could be doing something more productive).

Everytime when I study I would place Rudyard Kipling's "If" (thanks Mr Heng) beside me, for easy reference whenever I felt like I was losing pace. Then one day (to be honest, during the church service) it occured to me that I could write another version of "If", and I did. The last stanza was not edited at all, for the true message behind "If" is connotated along its lines. It goes as follows:

If

If you can live- and live life to the fullest;
If you can breathe- and treasure every breath;
If you see life as a journey of faith,
And put in your heart and nerve and sinew;
If you can run the grueling race,
And not slow down nor give up,
Keeping the pace right to the end;

If you can change the world,
And not let the world change you;
If you can live with joy,
And not let sorrow take over;
If you can love and forgive,
selflessly without restraint,
And not giving way to hate;

If you can swallow your pride,
And stoop down low before other men,
Slowly recouping your losses;
If you can defeat yourself,
Again and again all through your life,
Right to the very last second;

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue;
Or walk with kings- nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you,
But none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run-
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And which is more- you'll be a Man my son!


God bless you, my friend.

Saying Goodbye.

To be frank, I have never imagined that this milestone in my life would come so hastily. I thought that my life in Catholic High would feel like aeons, but no. In fact, it was pretty much ephemeral. Tomorrow is graduation day. I still cannot face the fact that I am to leave this second family of mine- my brothers and my mentors. In Catholic High I had found something entirely unique; a delightful concoction of friendship and brotherhood. Something which I fear I would not have the chance to experience after I leave this special place. For four years I have been a part of this family- even though sometimes it did not feel like it- and it was indeed an experience worthy of reminiscence.

When I first did the buttons for my uniform (almost breaking my nails in the process), I was decidedly filled with despair. Was I going to do that everyday for four years running? It seemed a dreadful prospect then, but now, I have this nagging feeling that I would miss my uniform very much when I leave. I have come to love that "nerdy-looking" uniform and those "weird green" shorts, for in them I have experienced what probably is the time of my life.

They say that a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step in the right direction, and I am indeed extremely fortunate to have taken this first step. Four years in Catholic High has seen me grow significantly, whether physically, mentally or spiritually. The school has developed the essential tripod of every student's personal growth, and I am certain that not many schools out there would be able to provide their students with this holistic education. For that, I have the teachers and my friends to thank. Teachers, I am eternally beholden to every single one of you. You have put in your time, your efforts and sometimes even your money (printing costs etc.) to make sure that we reach our maximum potential. You have put up (sometimes not entirely) with all the nonsense that we literally threw at you. You have made a substantial impact in my life. For all the times we had, whether good or bad, I give thanks.

As for my friends, you have also taught me many things, even though some of those things are decidedly very "unwholesome" (quote Mr Leong). Do not forget that values are not meant to be compromised. Never mind the unwholesome part though, you have taught me something more important; brothers look out for each other. My brothers, I hope our friendship and brotherhood will last. This, definitely, is not any superficial level of acquaintance. You know I love you guys (please, i'm straight though).

Four years ago, I had entered Catholic High in a state of delusion. Having scored a decent score- 253 plus 2- for the PSLE, sad to say, the young and immature me had let my guard down. I was supine. Honestly, in secondary One and Two, I had totally no idea what was going on. I did not even remember myself studying for anything. It was surprising that I somehow managed to get myself promoted, albeit to a not-very-exceptional class (fortunately, for I cannot imagine myself residing in classes like 4-1, 4-3 or 4-5, where I would be flattened).

Actually, when I found out that I was going to be in one of the bottom few classes, I was pretty much in a state of shock. As a result, I was slightly sober in 3-8, putting in a bit of conscious effort to improve my studies. The results did not show it though, as my foundations were appallingly unsubstantial. One fine example was mathematics. I had to start afresh from the basics, and I have Mr Leong to thank for what I am now- mathematically proficient; my standard of English was reclining at a very low level, and I have Mr Heng to thank for slapping me awake. Other subjects have also seen me relearn everything from the basic fundamentals, all at varying periods of Upper Secondary (mainly Secondary Four), and now I have the confidence that all things can be done as long as I have the belief and the perseverance.

The school has seen many ups and downs in the duration of a mere two years, from the record-breaking batch of 2004 to the not-so-satisfactory batch of 2005. Many problems had tarnished the image of the school, from the canteen fights to the scandalous anti-CH blogs. Catholic High saw chaos in 2006, but from the ashes, hope shines dazzling in its own majesty. We will just have to wait and see.

Another essential aspect of my life in Catholic High was the Co-Curricular Activity. Somehow I had passed the selection for softball (by defiantly throwing a ball right into the box after being told to sit down). Frankly, I had no inkling what I was getting myself into when I wrote the word 'Softball' on my CCA application form. I was just trying out something new, not knowing that four years of gruelling physical training, intense mental pressure and overwhelming satisfaction would follow. Even so, the CCA did not only emphasize the importance of physique but also the importance of the mind and character. The softball "regime" was definitely the most disciplined of all the sports groups and I am proud to be a CH softballer. We had started out with nothing, and we are now leaving the school, numerous championships under our belts. What mattered most is that the championships did not come easily. We fought for them as a team. Now, at the end of four years, I can only say that we have fought a good fight. Now it is up to out predecessors to continue the legacy. Keep going.

What probably is dearest to me in Catholic High, is the relationship I have with my brothers, especially the ones from 4-8. I would no doubt love to walk around in Bishan one day before elections and see Marcus' face smiling back at me from a campaign poster, go to an awesome fast-food chain to find out that it was owned by Gilbert, etc. At present, the thought might seem somehow hilarious, but it might just be what is going to happen. Who knows? I am going to miss the times we had; the Chuck Norris jokes (Chuck is the BOMB), Marcus' hilarious randomness (Every Villain Is Lemon), Gilbert's crazy lame jokes (what happens when you put an orange in front of a synagogue?), Gaw's "perverse" actions (sorry for mentioning this but I had to), etc. It was fun.

There just might be one day we have a class reunion when we are all grown up, when we look back at the year 2006. Smiles would come to our faces, and someone says to me, "Hey, you know what? That was one of the best years of my life", and I would heartily agree.

Here ends one chapter of my life, together with the plethora of CH ephemera. Sometimes the hardest thing is saying goodbye.

Smile.

R5 of 10 points. No L1 yet. Should I be sad or happy? I've more than halved my L1R5 of prelim 2, but am I satisfied?

NO.

First thing, I still lost to Gaw. Bleh. He's half of my score. Guess he'll be my schoolmate (maybe classmate) next year. Depends on whether he wants to go.

Anyway, who cares? Just smile and go on with life, no matter what happens. I find that problems just sublime when you smile. Not to say that it makes your life much more colourful.

When you smile, you see the better side of everything. You begin to take notice of the wonders which we fail to see normally. You see the beauty of the trees around; you feel the freshness of the air as you breathe; you hear the beautiful sounds of life; you taste that awesome meal.

As for me, I begin to look for stars. Just a weird habit.

Every night I would look up to the heavens, hoping to find the glitter of a star in the midst of the darkness. For six days running, I have not seen a star. Sad. Whenever I see a star, though, I would smile. Why? I honestly do not know, but somehow seeing stars up there in the sky empowers me. Maybe I'm an alien, Star=power source. Who knows?

On days when I cannot see stars, though, I still smile when I look up into the sky. I may not be able to see the stars in the sky, but I am certain that they are up there somewhere.

So it is with life. Not only should you smile and give thanks when good things happen to you. God works in ways we cannot see, and even though the future seems bleak, smile and give thanks.

"Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked will I depart.
The LORD gave and the Lord has taken away;
may the name of the LORD be praised"

This verse has given me "enlightenment" indeed. For what does it matter if a friend does not accept your friendship? Love anyway. Still treat them as your friends, even when they do not see you as one. Care for them; pray for them. Keep smiling.

For true love is unconditional. The love between friends; the love between family members; anything. Unconditional giving of what you have.

After all, you are just a short-lived candle. Your fire would be extinguished one day, but at least you've spread it to others. What are you? Your days on Earth are numbered, so why not make each day count?

So everyone out there reading this, please. Begin to love everyone around you.

What if tomorrow never comes? Would you have any regrets?

I am praying for you.

Are we there yet?

The pre-war preparations are still ongoing, but what I am sure of is that the pre-war battle simulation has come to a conclusion.

War.

Such an appropriate topic to compare the O's with.

Well, if you have yet to figure out, the "pre-war battle simulation" was my prelims. Let's describe the situation I am in now.

Three major battles have been fought, two of them I have bitterly lost. For this last battle though, I have a very different feeling. Minor skirmishes have yielded results far greater than expected, and even though the outcome of the battle is yet to be known, I know I am running a good race.

What with my Chemistry jumping from F9 (35 marks) to a B3 (68 marks). Even so, I am still inferior compared to the others. Moreover, I have lost every battle against Leon Gaw, with the exception of a one mark lead in the Social Studies structured essays.

I am appalled by those people who do Chemistry with such ease, its like me doing "E" Maths. Leon Gaw achieved 88 marks for his chemistry prelims. Guess what.

That is exactly what I got for "E" Maths. Worse still, he beat me in "E" Maths too.

My target, yes, my target, is to beat Leon Gaw. No matter what happens, even if it means having to sleep 5 hours a day just to get that edge over him, I will do it.

Not because I hate losing to Gaw. It is because I look up to him. I want to be like him.

Well, only in terms of diligence and the hunger for success.

Thus, I declare a state of emergency. Not like the one in Thailand, though. This is MY kind of emergency. From today on, I will put in all I have to run this final lap.

Not as if I have not been doing so for the past few months.

Even so, I would like to thank all the people who were there to guide and encourage me. Teachers, friends, study buddies (I made a rhyme!), anyone. Even Mother Theresa. I know it sounds funny, me thanking Mother Theresa, but her words were what kept me going. Her words prevented me from throwing the love of humanity and religion aside. She stopped me from letting my life fall into the hands of just pure mugging, without the accompaniment of joy and satisfaction from what I do.

I love studying. How I wish I would not need to grow up.

Please, though. I know this may be going through your head right now but NO.

I know I want to keep studying but I won't retain.

P.S. thanks to Princess Gladwei for the lovely time I had, all the best!

...

I thought I'd take this opportunity to sneak an update in, right in between my exams. Thank goodness I have no bio today.

Well, exams are here, and this particular exam represents my final shot at redeeming myself. I had two shots before this, but I guess I was too preoccupied with my little problems to be able to concentrate much on studies. Trust me though, this prelims will see a jump in grades; at least for me.

Math paper 1, Social Studies, English, Geography paper 2, Physics.

So far, nearly half the battle has been fought, and I am confident that at least for this half my marks have certainly improved from the previous preliminary examinations. We'll just have to wait until the results come out.





















For now, I am still pondering upon what has happened during the mission conference. I had heard God's calling, but what am I? I am merely a student who cannot escape from his responsibilities. How am I supposed to go to other lands to spread His word and show His love? At times like these I find myself bound by the chains thrusted upon me by this cruel society. God help me.

Show me the path.

When we are told to be the salt and the light of this world, have you ever noticed that salt and light are both silent in nature?

We have to show by example, by our actions. It is of much more significance than to preach His word that we live a live worthy to be called the "True Christian Life".

Brothers and Sisters, be encouraged today, that the Lord our God has given us this opportunity for us to show His love to others. May you all be strengthened and may you all also find comfort in loving others, for love is the greatest gift a human could give.

I am praying for you all.

One-day break

Just for your information, in case you were not aware of it, I have just come back from a one-day trip to batam.

This, more or less, is my first ever one-day holiday to any destination. Guess what I brought along with me to Batam.

Books, worksheets and homework!

Well, not as if I really touched them in Batam. I had left all the work to be done on the ferry ride back to Singapore, and I did. It was all dark and stuff on board the ferry as it was at night, and the boat kept rocking while I was trying to explain the formation of fold mountains.

Life in Batam surely felt different from life in Singapore. I do not know why, but it just felt a lot different. Even though life in Singapore is very organized and orderly, life in Batam was an entirely different experience. It felt as if a heavy load had been taken off my shoulders. Being there made me more relaxed.

On Tuesday evening, just after I reached my home - a church- I had played four consecutive hours of table tennis without taking any breaks. Not having played for ages, I lost to my dad over and over again, but finally I beat him after a few tries. After dad left I played with the youth group there. It was not too bad. I won every match played, but it was decidedly very exhausting.

I realised that these youths were very different from the youths in Singapore. I do not know why, but I can just feel it. They were more... sincere? Hmm.

Oh yeah.

Guess what I brought back.

Information shall not be disclosed in fear of the blog-checking authorities.

Anyway, the "Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier" thing. It works. Not only has it brightened up my life, but I am sure it has in one way or another affected the lives of the people around me. I am going to keep at it, and I do hope that you would be affected by it too!

Here's a poem, pardon me for the ancient English but I personally feel that it expresses the meaning of the poem better. Obviously I wrote it, so thy shalt pardon me for any awkward usage or misuse of words or phrases. Enjoy it (= poem not copyrighted.

Love,
Such a strange existence, aye.
Thy mind it binds when unwary,
But nay couldst it be found,
When thou searches for its all-elusive form.

Thus love,
Thou canst only rely on,
By thyself loving others around.
Not relying on fate to decide thy destiny,
Not relying on the love of others to live.
Thou creates love by thyself.

Love thy neighbour as thyself,
For there is nothing more precious than love.
Wealth and treasures, nay.
The beginning of love is a smile,
Thou canst only hope,
Hope that it ends with a smile, aye.

Number One Hundred

Firstly, I have to apologize for having left the internet community for such an extended duration. Well, not as if anybody misses me, right? So that apology is rendered invalid, but sorry anyway.

Secondly, I have to say sorry to myself for being unable to restrain myself from using the computer. Having written too much in my diary, I - regretfully- had this urge to blog. So, here I am; fresh from breaking another promise I have made myself. I guess it would not hurt to blog a bit during the holidays, would it? After all, I've been working all day.

If you're wondering how my life has been going - if anyone ever does- here is a whole list of things I have been doing, complete with elaboration.

1. Yes you guessed it! Study! Chuckles. I have been studying almost all the time and almost everywhere? On the bus, at tuition, on the mrt, in McDonalds, at home, in the kitchen, in bed, whatever. I even dreamt about the O's. You name it, I've done it. Well, maybe except for the toilet. I have even studied overnight all the way till 4 am; which sadly led to much nagging by my mum. For my own good, I know. Sadly, I still have voluminous stacks of examination papers to complete. Sigh.

2. SING!! Yeah you heard it (more like read it) right! Singing! I love singing, even though people don't particularly love hearing me sing. Chuckles. Love songs mostly, because I love love songs- no pun intended- and I sing them love songs all the time. Well, not all the time, that's a hyperbole. Almost all the time. Whatever songs, from Don Moen to Jay Chou to Westlife, I sing! In fact, I would most probably be singing something right now as you read this. Oops. I just went off-tune. Laughs.

3. Basketball. Yeah, basketball. All thanks to KH I have been playing basketball regularly, and it actually is a lot of fun!

Hmmm.

Nothing is coming.

4. Being emo. EMO! rahr. Is it the stress or what? I've been unusually moody these few days. Well, actually I know the reason to my so-called emo-ness, but no one would understand; or care to understand anyway. Therefore I have decided to leave the reason out of this blog, or very soon this blog would be what it was before. Pure emo. Hah.

5. Thinking. Yes, thinking. You read it right. You know, sometimes we live empty lives. We live without thinking. We live without realizing how fortunate we are to be living in a community where people do care about us. Loneliness, many times have I fallen into its deathlike grip, but has anyone ever thought of the clutches love as something even remotely deathlike? Believe me, love hurts. Love hurts so much.

Love hurts, but love anyway.

Mother Theresa once said,
"Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier."

That, is what I plan to do. For true love is unconditional.

The biggest disease today is not leprosy or tuberculosis, but rather the feeling of being unwanted. The most terrible poverty is loneliness and the feeling of being unloved.

I myself have been a victim of this unloving world, and therefore I seek to change that. I aspire to change the world, and I am going to begin with everyone around me. No matter what the circumstance may be, I will try my very best to bring happiness to people around.

Let this be my offering to You, and my gift to everyone around.

Let us always meet each other with a smile, for the smile is the beginning of love. So share that smile with the people around! You never know how that small gesture would affect someone!

That's it for now. Ciao people.

Post No. 100 .. Let love's message spread..

post no. 99

Hey people, this is number 99. One more to a hundred, but it will not be.

Well, at least until the 17th of November.

This is my last post before the 'O' levels. I am letting go of the computer, for it has taken too much of my time already. Its about time I got serious with myself for a while.

Good luck with everything and all the best.

P.S. Anything just msg me or call me. +6596123117, do not bother e-mailing unless you intend for me to read it only after the 'O' levels.

Bye.

Don't forget, put your heart into whatever you do.

Anyway, who wants to come for National Day dinner? On National Day itself. I assure you, it'll be the best place to watch the fireworks other than in the National Stadium itself. It's only a few streets away from the stadium. Best thing is, free food.

So msg asap me if you want to come. I'll arrange with you.

i'm 16?

Let me start this post off to thank everyone who has in one way or another wished me a happy birthday. To tell the truth, it was quite a lousy day, but never mind.

I feel loved; thanks to those who actually showed me that bit of concern. I even got one present! Well, well. I am grateful for it. Thanks Yuan Hong and Henry. Thank you so much.

I feel unloved; I tend to jump to conclusions, so let's hope it is purely due to the fact that they had a memory lapse. Maybe not. Whatever.

Thanks again to those who said happy birthday, or even left a message. Very much appreciated.

the day before my birthday

It's sad.

Tsunami the day before my birthday, only can hope for minimal damage and casualties.

Hope tomorrow will be a better day.

P.S. happy birthday to those born on 17 july

FIFA World Cup 2006

This is an assignment, and therefore readers should pardon me for the lack of colloquial language.

Instead of writing only about the final, I shall write about some events throughout Germany 2006, one of the more controversial versions of the tournament.

The tournament had started on a high note, with the first goal of the tournament scored only after a mere six minutes into the competition between Germany and Costa Rica. It came as a pleasant surprise for the Germans; a relatively unknown player in the international footballing community, Phillip Lahm, had struck with such brilliance rarely seen in the competition.

To me, the goal had also come as a pleasant surprise. Not only was I so privileged to see the spark of brilliance by Phillip Lahm, I was also encouraged at the same time.

I am utterly convinced that few had expected Phillip Lahm to perform, much less score. He was, after all, a defender that had not been all too convincing in his career. Nevertheless, he went against all odds and manufactured a beautiful goal that immediately silenced his critics. I believe that we all have something to learn from him.

To work hard is one aspect of it, but another factor leading to his success was the sedulity with which he had strived to achieve his goals. I strongly believe that as long as we work hard and persevere, all our efforts would be greatly rewarded, no doubt about it.

Another player to learn from is Zinedine Zidane, not only from his merits, but also from his faults. Zidane, having come out of retirement to again take the role of a captain, had led the French side to the final. He had played a pivotal role in the French midfield and even scored a few decisive goals. He was the heart of the French team, albeit one who headbutts. His rashness in action had costed his side the Cup.

Many said that Zidane had done it because Materazzi had said something offensive, but have a look at the situation then. It was late in the game, both sides were tied in a deadlock and the last thing your team needed was a sending off. If you had been a responsible and thinking captain, you would have warned everyone in your team not to get a sending off; if you had common sense, you would never had let yourself get sent off.

Actions speak louder than words, and Zidane's actions had indeed spoken much. When he audaciously lofted the ball off the goalpost and into the goal past Buffon, he showed a calmness of mind. When Zidane headed the ball to force a save out of Buffon, he showed that he had not lost his flair and composure. When Zidane headbutted Materazzi, all I could see was a madman on the loose. His departure from the field had instantly destroyed the French's morale, which eventually led to their defeat. Not a fitting farewell for one of the "footballing greats", but at least he left with a blast. This incident changed my whole opinion of Zidane. I have watched him play since France 98, and he was such an inspirational figure then. We cannot lose our cool, even in times of crisis, for it would not be of any help to the situation.

Ghana, which was the only African country to enter the second round of the World Cup this year, had also surprised many. I personally hoped that they would have beaten Brazil, being a fan of underdogs, but I was disappointed. Nevertheless, the Ghanians showed the fighting spirit and relentlessly pounded the Brazilian defense. They were unlucky enough not to even score a goal, but their fighting spirit was indeed noteworthy.

Meanwhile, a team worth mentioning is the Australian team, a.k.a. Socceroos. They came , they fought, and they lost to the Italians; all because of a controversial decision by the referee to award a penalty for what appeared to be a dive. In fact, they were one of the more entertaining teams to watch.

The Socceroos had also gone against all odds, with critics predicting that they would not even make it past the first round of the tournament. They came back from a 1-0 deficit in only six minutes against the Japanese, qualified for the second round, and even reached the quarter finals. They very nearly got through to the semi-finals.

There are a few things we can learn from the Socceroos. Firstly, we have to learn how not to let ourselves be intimidated by big names. The Australians were pitted against footballing giants like Brazil and Italy. They never were intimidated. Closer to home, I can see the stark difference in the attitude of some of the people in the sports CCAs. Many of them just simply give up fighting when pitted against the so-called "better schools" like Raffles Institution. We must change this attitude. No matter what the outcome, if you put your heart and your soul in it, the game has already been won. Secondly, life can be unfair, which indeed is a fact faced by almost everyone in the world. Mostly due to the fact that when life is fair, you fail to take notice of it, only taking notice when life is not fair.

Another team worth mentioning, of course, is Italy. They are the controversial world champions, but they definitely deserve what they have got. Their defence had only conceded two goals in this World Cup, one from a penalty and the other an own goal. Fabio Cannavarro, their captain, did not even get booked in the whole tournament, despite him being involved in most of the Italians' defensive operations. To me, the true Golden Ball winner is Cannavarro, which I suspect would have won the award if the votes were cast only after the game. Cannavarro showed calmness and kept his cool all the time. Never in the tournament had he quarelled over the referee's decision, nor any player's foul play. He just kept doing what he had to do, and he did it exceptionally well.

Zidane and Cannavarro, captains of two rival countries, yet the difference in attitude was so stark. All I can say is that Man's worst enemy is the enemy from within. If we cannot get through our inner self, nothing significant can be accomplished.

If we do, we can work wonders. Yes, wonders. Although most probably we can never win the World Cup.

zizoukadapoo

pokemon fever

I SWEAR THIS IS DAMN FUNNY.



enjoy



LOL

the week

Alright, you want update, here it is! As usual, I've been busy with stuff.

Now, now. Let's have a recapitulation of the past week, shall we? Monday to Thursday, prelims prelims prelims. How's that? Chuckles. Didn't even touch the computer for these four days, at least I have a bit of self-restraint.

Then came friday. The "Learning Journey Day" for my school. It was quite an interesting day, in fact, it was quite fun. We went to the Discovery Center, which actually wasn't too much fun. What was fun was being with the guys and just fooling around.

We started our so-called "learning journey" with a half-hour wait at the school plaza. That pretty much got me quite irritated. I wanted my air-conditioned bus, and I wanted it bad. The plaza was uber hot.

I couldn't stand it anymore, so I went to the toilet to get some fresh air. Yes, irony. I know. Anything was better than the plaza. Anyway, guess what I saw when I went back. My class was GONE.

<.<

>.>

>.<

"OI PUTERA."

I turned around and saw Gilbert there, together with the class. Phew.

So we boarded the bus and we were on our way. To Jurong. So far. We were assigned the same bus as 4-9, and I sat beside Ben Say. Later I decided to share with him the world of the so-called "obiang" music. He liked the crappy ones, he didn't like the classics. Well, it's okay. One day I'll find someone who appreciates my kind of music.

Bus ride, bus ride. Soon we found ourselves in the Discovery Center. I think the first part of the program was the best part. It was "Shackleton's Antartic Adventure". If you don't know about Sir Ernest Shackleton, it's understandable. I never heard of him before watching that awesome show. Well, in short, he was on an expedition to Antartica together with his crew. Like, obviously. Nonetheless, behind this simple line, lay a story of human endurance that had never been seen before. Sir Ernest Shackleton was a hero, no doubt. The story of his expedition was one of the best I have ever heard in my entire life. A truly spectacular display of sedulousity worthy of exaltation.

Next came the Army talk. Well, I have nothing to say. The guy was funny, yes indeed. Curiously, he has this thing with China jokes. Well, I don't remember much of the talk.

Next came the food sampling. Sounds good? They let us have a taste of army rations, which actually was quite good. I'd be lucky if I ever go to a war with that kind of food. Too bad, no army for me. Thank goodness. Because the biscuits were one heck of a tough job to eat. Can't imagine living on that.

Next came lunch. Smart people like me went for the front. True enough, we benefited much from it. We finished our food first, while the noobs were still queueing. We were the first to set foot on the carpets of the exhibition hall.

It was nothing much actually. It was obviously meant for primary school children. The most fun part was actually "Little George" and the quiz thing. I still cannot believe that I pressed the wrong button. The whatever association is in charge of helping youths in need, NOT BUILDING ROADS. My error costed us the high score. Never mind. It was uber funny though. The laugh we got from it was worth tons more than the high score.

Anyway, the Discovery Center canteen sells awesome sandwiches for a meagre $1. Go try it someday.

Next came the low of the trip. The SAFTI bus tour. Well, it was boring, no doubt. What kept us going was the unceasing conversations among ourselves.

I wonder who in the right mind would go to the SAFTI library. It's miles away from civilisation.

Then it was the bus ride back to school. Some class took a whole bus to themselves and we had to stuff ourselves on another bus. Standing up. What saved it was listening to my mp3 and singing with Leon Gaw. He simply loved the classics. Lovely.

Before we knew it, the bus was already in school. Guess what, we went to watch Superman! It was a fair movie, but lacking in action. It certainly does not deserve the 5 stars. I'd rather watch him fight supernatural enemies, but a bald criminal? Bleh.

I don't know, but the day just went by like that. Or was there a soccer match at night?

The next day was the Homecoming day. Nothing much to it, actually. Spent $5 on machine bat and $5 on drinks. Period. The rest of it was boredom. Except when I was playing ball with the primary school people. I was "coach" for the afternoon. Didn't feel too bad, but it is tiring to be a coach.

One observation, the fat guys get the girls. Maybe I should gain some weight.

I was late for tuition too.

After that? I don't remember a thing.

Then it was a Sunday. Chen Li Presbyterian's 72nd anniversary. The combined service was pretty much drawn out. Sitting at the front row wasn't too bad. I could hear every mistake in the choir. Laughs.

After the service was the free lunch. The food was alright. I did not eat much though, refusing to queue and waiting for the leftovers. The best dishes were gone by the time I went for the food, so were the utensils. Thank goodness I found a stray spoon. A clean one, of course.

Then I walked around and stuff, and went to Ben's church for "Shout Your Fame" a.k.a. "SYF". Well, it was good entertainment, and I still can't shake it off that the Candice girl looks exactly like Irene. Maybe its the Aussie thing. Poor Ben, he didn't get the top 3 spots, which was dominated by the girls. I still expect a treat though. Carl Jr's? I'll be waiting for it.

Well, something struck me yesterday during SYF. Well, I shall not write about it here. Religion is quite a sensitive topic. You want to find out? Look for my diary. Buried somewhere underneath my books. I can't find it.

To end it off,

I'm the love song kind of guy.

NUS Open 2006

Alright here's the post. Took the liberty of writing this while I'm supposed to be doing math. Once again I am doing the wrong thing at the wrong time, or rather the right thing at the wrong time. Might as well continue on what I have started.

As promised earlier, this post is about the NUS Open 2006. Although it was a pretty short tournament which lasted only for a meagre two days, it was as good as any tournament can be. Frankly speaking, I did not know what I was in for, and I assume that the others did not expect much either.

It turned out to be one exceedingly proliferant experience, and it actually did not feel too bad wearing a jersey with a different number. Even though with sixteen, 1+6= 7. It was still a different number anyway.

Alright, our first match was against RJC. Most, if not all, of the RJC J2 guys were in the Combined Schools team. You would think that this weakened them by substantial amounts, but they still had tons of players there. Leaves me wondering. Anyway, it was the first match, and I was on the "rest list". Felt pretty disappointed, but I guess it was alright. We played a composed game, not yielding to the opponents' attempts to break our defense. Game ended with a scoreline of 6-5. Anyway, a win is a win. We went for lunch at the NUS canteen and played our next game against Catalyst. By then, the team had bonded quite well.

I was the starter for the game against Catalyst. I was pitching so badly during warm up that I would be of better utility to the team as a piece of dirt on the ground. I decided I should not go on with the warm up. No point in trying to change things then. Better go in as an incapable pitcher full of stamina, than one who is already tired out.

The game started soon after. The first inning ended after only four batters, a runner stranded on first base. I was pitching unexpectedly well. Maybe I had used up all my bad pitches during warm up. I went on to hold for a while, and got relieved by YH when I let in some runs. Two or three runs, but it did not matter in the least. I did the best I could.

I think Ivan hit a homer against them. Nice shot.

It was that day, I was welcomed into the world of out-of-the-park homers. Personally I only have one homer this year. Grand slam out-of-the-park. That was all. Which proves the point that I hit for bases.

Anyway, the game ended with a respectable scoreline of 5-2. Very respectable, since their team consisted of National players and ex-National players. With the exception of Bises and Leonard I think.

The day ended just like that.

The next day had a pretty early start, considering the fact that we had to be at the NUS field by 7am. I woke at 5, packed my stuff, and left for McDonalds. Swei was waiting for me there. After a quick breakfast, we set off. Thanks to his parents for providing transport. Honestly, without them I would not have had enough sleep. I would have to wake up at around 4am, if my calculations are right.

We were not the first to reach there. Jee Boon was already there, found out he reached at around 6.15am. That is so maddy.

We started warm up at around 7.15am. Sadly we were playing at field 1, but it was alright I guess. I played a bit for this game against AC Alumni as a first baseman. I had one pretty good at bat, hitting a triple. Sadly I could not join the "over-the-fence" club, but who cares. I hit for bases.

We eventually won the game. I think this was the game in which Jee Boon and Jia Yuan hit back-to-back homers. The first one I've seen in my entire life. Well, at least not on the computer screen.

Next game was right after, against Ngee Ann Polytechnic. Yuan Hong started first. I only pitched one inning for this game, and I drew two K's. For batting, I was 1 for 2. The score was 24-0, which was pretty much ownage.

I shall not comment about our signal. Interesting as it is.

After that was the break. Went and bought McDonalds for the guys with Andre and Bert. The first time I have seen such a huge McDonalds order. It was mighty heavy too, but it made a good meal indeed.

Next match was against HC Alumni. The semi-finals. I was a DP. I pretty much got owned by Kenneth, got jammed and hit a foul pop. The team did well to pile up the runs though. Hong Shen made a double play! A nice one too. Then there was a pitching change and I hit a single off Coach Alex. Too bad it was of no use at all. I was 1 for 2.

We won the match, but I do not know of the score, too bad.

Then came the final. It was against Catalyst again, but this time Bises was pitching. Another meeting of old friends. I grounded out the first at bat. The match was scoreless for around three innings, both teams defended well.

Then came the "Best Batter", hitting a solo homer to commence the slugfest. We kept on scoring and scoring. I even hit a double to start a rally. Running home and drawing the run. Phew. The highlight of my tournament. Chuckles. In the end we owned them and yeah. Happy ending.

We even got a Hush Puppies shirt.

After that, it was pretty sad to leave the dudes, not knowing when our next gathering as a team would be. It was damn fun dudes! Looking forward to the next tournament together.

Anyway, a bit of extra here. Went for dinner with Swei. Fish and chips, and there was something in my water. Let's not say what it is, but it was black and it was floating on top of my water. Pthooooey. Thanks Swei and family.

I don't believe Hong Shen. 20% form???? Demoralizing. I put 110% into the NUS Open.

I await the next plethora of Combined Schools ephemera.

Apologies.

Sorry people for not having updated for ages. I promise I will update soon. On the NUS Open.


Combined Schools '06 rules lol.

sunday.

Hey it's another post!

Well, today was decidedly fun. Curious as to why it is so?

Morning, went to church. I realised that it was no point troubling myself by thinking so much. It didn't matter anyway because they don't give a damn, so fine. I'm all smiles. I made do with what I got and hey, it isn't that bad after all. It was fun drinking tea. It was fun joking around during lesson. It was fun getting the medicated oil from Sarah Jauw's mum. Laughs. It was fun chatting with almost everyone that came to the table, and it was fun (somehow) doing the comprehension papers with Samuel. He certainly is smart. I now have two more comprehensions and ten more summaries.

That's for English. Never mind.

Stayed in church for quite a long time, doing the comprehension. Not bad. Left at around 1330. Don't even remember taking the bus, only remember taking the MRT. So like, after half an hour I reached Bishan station.

Guess who I saw right after I got out the barrier.

Marcus and Medwin Tan! They were going for lunch, so I sort of tagged along. Ate at KFC, walked a bit around Junction 8 and then went to play arcade.

Darn it was one heck of an arcade session. Ten times more fun than playing yourself, I must say. We played Daytona, Bishi Bashi Hyper, Time Crisis 3 and back to Daytona. You won't believe what we did next.




Time Crisis 3. Darn ninjas.





THE DANCE MACHINE.




The perfect fat burning tool.





It was one heck of an exercise routine. All the TAF clubs in Singapore should buy a dance machine. I was panting and sweating profusely after a few rounds of play, despite the air-conditioning. My goodness. No wonder the pros of the dance games are all so skinny.

Well we played and played and played. It was fun. Even though I got owned at Bishi Bashi by some little kid. Chuckles. No matter what I'm still the pro at Time Crisis. Don't believe? Ask Medwin. Maybe Marcus. He was begging me to die faster lol.

That felt like just a few moments ago. Well, life's much better when you accept that some people just can't be bothered to give a damn, and that some others really do give more than a damn. (=

Alright people that's the post. I predict that England won't get to the semi-finals. No offence, but the way they played against Paraguay, leaves me wondering whether they can even reach the second round.

Don't worry, be happy. Get used to what life throws at you. Many many years to go!

Have fun.

Anyone wanna help with my pacman project? =P

Crazy me.

Long time no blog! Bet you guys miss my posts(if there are any readers). Chuckles.

So... What have I been up to these days, you may ask.

The answer is pretty obvious, for those who know me. In case you don't, well, I shall elaborate. Bear with me.

Ever since yesterday, I have set high expectations of myself this holidays. How high? Here's a list.

1.Finish your work

A really tough one to settle. That is precisely why it's the first thing on my list. Hmm. Maybe I won't. We'll see.

2.Don't screw up Combined Schools

Now now. This one is nearly half as tough as finishing my work. Honest. Even though I haven't exactly been training, I think I still can play decently. Maybe? Been throwing with random people and swinging rolled-up newspapers everyday. Maybe I won't be that much behind.

3.Finish your pac-man project

Woohoo! This one is ultra ownage. Laughs. The idea came from something I saw in youtube. Here's the video.



Alright dudes, here's the plan. I am 1% done with my pac-man project. I need cardboard and lots of tape. Yellow and red colour paper too. Anyone can provide me with those? It's arts and crafts for me, baby. Appreciate any help. You could come over to my house and help out if you'd like, but inform me first! Don't just appear at my doorstep. Crystal clear?

Upon completion of the project, I personally will be pac-man and I will wear it to school one fine day. Maybe after the O's. I'll need a cameraman and a ghost. I'll run into Junction 8 wearing it if I go crazy enough. Maybe the ghost won't follow me then because I think I'm the only one crazy enough. Laughs. Application begins now contact me lol.

I am crazy.

4.Complete Time Crisis 3

I have tried a few times to do it, but sadly the furthest I've got to was stage three and a half. Just that little bit more. I will do it!!

Hmm. That's all I have on the list for now. I'll update when I think of more things! Yeah.


Wish you guys the best holidays ever! I bet you wish my wish would come true. Whatever.

Have fun!

Farewell.

I can't believe what is happening to people nowadays. I really have no idea. I catch no ball.

I tried to be friendly. I really did.

I offered my friendship, I tried reach out to others.
I tried to care, I tried to show concern.
I tried to be a friend.

Just like any other friend, albeit one who tries to give a damn.

Now, now. Finally I know the reason behind it, I feel betrayed. But betrayed by who?

Myself?

What did I do now. Was I in the wrong? I don't think so. What I did was totally logical. Not anything bizarre or out-of-this-world. I was merely trying to provide care and concern, I was just trying to help make life better.

I guess I made life worse huh. A non-living thing like a computer could make you happier. A non-living thing like a book can make you happier. You know you'd be better off without me around. FINE. I swear that as long as I have hair on my head I'll never take the initiative to try to talk to you, my friend. Consider it settled. You won't hear from me.

I know that you know that you'll be happier without me bothering you all the time.

Just to let you know. You once made me feel just like any other boy. Carefree, devoid of any worries, just living life as it is without any qualms. Then you suddenly transformed into something entirely dissimilar. My skies are overcast. Storms rage within me like never before.

You know, it hurts so much when I'm putting in everything just to be like any decent friend, to no avail. You know, it hurts so much when I put in my all, just to get that attitude thrown right at my face.

I'd rather people throw rocks at me. Break my jaw, crack my skull. It wouldn't hurt as much as this. You nearly killed the real me. The caring part of me. The humane side of me. Now I'm struggling, with every breath I take, to revive my true self.

Deep in my heart, you will always be the friend that you once were. The friend that I once loved.

It took a lot out of me to finally give up on this. All I can do is wish you all the best.

I'll keep praying that one fine day, you will come back to pull me out of this humongous crevasse I am in.

Always praying for you, friend. No matter how you treat me like, no matter how you find me a nuisance. I pray to God. I wish you well.

Now I have given up. It'll be fine if I go blind. I'll miss seeing, but I'll be fine. God decides what He wants to do to me. I had no choice in the first place anyway, so why not accept it.

Love is a funny thing indeed.

darn

You know. It's easy to say things to others when you don't know how they are feeling.

"Oh, those poor earthquake victims. Never mind la. These sort of things don't happen to us."

Easy to say?

"Oh you got hit by ball ah? Very pain hor."

Like duh.

"Why you so emo? Be happy la!"

Easier said than done.

Why oh why. My mind runs wild at the very thought.

It's freaky. Will your shadow haunt me for the rest of my life?

grrarrrrhh

Alright. Since I'm so freaking emo right now. Might as well blog.

Honestly, I do not know why I am feeling this way. Today was somehow a better Sunday than previous ones, but I wonder what's happening. Why do I always get so emo on Sundays? Somebody kick my ass and tell me why.

Sad to say, I am clueless about what to do with my life. Fine, I study. FINE. So what do I do after I study? When I need a rest? When I need someone to talk to? When I need a hand to hold?

Do I just give myself a good, hard slap and continue studying? Or do I just collapse on my bed and go to sleep?

Truth to be told, I hate the way my life is going right now. Yes, I got in the Combined Schools team. So what? I got okay results. So what?

Yes, I do have friends. Friends as they are, only a small minority are able to show the least bit of care and concern for me, and I thank them for it. Maybe it's just me. Maybe its because I'm just dying for that hand to hold. Jo you bozo.

It is tough being me, I must say, having only a few friends who do give a damn. I walk around all day by myself because no one wants to accompany me. I end up talking to myself. I end up staring at the ceiling. I END UP LIKE A F*CKING PATHETIC ASSHOLE.

FINE. THIS IS THE WAY I'M MEANT TO BE, RIGHT? WHO IN THE WORLD GIVES A F*CKING DAMN ANYWAY.

OH SO YOU DON'T GIVE A DAMN. COME ON ALONG, KICK ME ON THE ASS AND GET IT OVER AND DONE WITH. KICK THIS LITTLE PIECE OF CRAP WHERE IT HURTS AND GET GOING.

I feel like rubbish.

Pardon the profanities, I got carried away.

Why can't I just be like any other guy I see on the streets. At least I'll have a hand to hold.

Sunrise

Oh no my brother is waiting for the computer again. Sigh, what a nuisance. He had the computer to him literally the whole day, and I had it for an hour. Some group project discussion huh. More like and extra night of CM and soccernet for him. Now, now. THAT, is a serious waste of time.

Enough lamenting or he'd take the computer away before you type in your next sentence, Jo you bozo.

Biff. Bash. Poof. Pow. Struggle. Wiggle.

Ouchiearghwhatintheworldimgoingbananas.

*KICKS*

YES. He's off for a bit I think I knocked him out. Mwahahah.

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Well, that is an excerpt from a scene of my life that is often in repetition. It has been repeated so often that it has almost turned into a daily routine. Well, he makes use of every reason he can find to get the computer off me, and I give way to him most of the time. Partly because I don't want any problems from him, and also because I couldn't be bothered to quarrel with him.

I make him sound so evil!

Alright I shall redeem a bit of his face for him. He's uhh... About three quarters as evil as is stated in this post.

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Alright alright, quit lamenting. On to better things!

Yesterday night was the farewell party for the Sec 4s. Truth to be told, it was somehow an "emotionally-charged" event. What can I say?

He cried.

I nearly did.

I don't know if the others felt the same way.

Well, 8 survivors. I personally have no idea how I managed to survive the 4 years. All I know is that I survived because I never thought of leaving the CCA. Honestly, the thought never crossed my mind. I just did what I was told in the CCA, and hey. 4 years have passed.

Looking back, the experience was indeed something emotional. Not something that mere words can express to its fullest meaning. You just have to go through it yourself before you know how it feels.

Before the party was something I never did before. Water rugby. Woohoo. It was AWESOME! To think that I hated swimming.

Anyway, after the "party" we went for arcade, the darned bowling alley was under renovation or something. It was fun though. We played Virtua Tennis, Bishi Bashi Special, blabla. Even YH admitted that Bishi Bashi was fun. HAH! Well I think we spent nearly all our money on it. No doubt it was ultra super duper fun though.

We walked back and me, YH, kiki and chew did some cool crap chinese opera thingy. DONG CHIANG!

Back in the chalet, the Xbox was brought out and they started playing. Chew and gang were playing cards till early morn though. I don't know what happened but I was so bored I sat outside and star-gazed for hours. One of the few times in my life I saw so many stars.

After the few hours we ended up playing Star Wars on the Xbox.

Stars. Check.
Ice cream. Check.
Cone. Check.
Pasta. Check.
Drinks. Check.
Xbox. Check.
DVD Player. Check.

And that kept me up all the way. Blah, YH and his drunken jedi. I got owned. Just once.

After Star Wars we watched Major League. Well, "we" included me and Ben Say. The rest of the "noobs", like YH, fell asleep. Now, look who's talking huh? Sniggers.

After the hilarious Major League, Edmund suddenly woke up. We were about to go look at the sunrise, so he came along too.

When we came to the beach entrance, it was LOCKED! All we could do was stare helplessly at the sign which stated "To The Beach". Then Edmund and Ben left. I stayed on to wait for the sunrise. Just one glimpse of the sunrise would be enough. One glimpse.

After they left the guy with the keys came. My goodness, how glad I was. I went on the beach and kept waiting and waiting...

Until Ben called to tell that Swei's father was there already. I had to go.

I didn't get to see the sunrise, but I made a promise to myself.

"I'm gonna catch you in your majestic beauty one day, dude."

The Shooting Star.

I saw a star in the sky today on my way home. It was truly a sight to behold, like a glittering pearl of the oceans, illuminating the sky like a candle in the darkness.

The star was but one among millions of its kind, but in the dark it shone with such ravishing beauty no other star can replicate. The star was just identical to any other star. Plain and ordinary. But what was it that made that particular star shine with such radiance? There certainly was something that this star had which other stars do not possess.

Something special.

A smile came upon my face as again I set my gaze upon the star. Unfortunate are those who never got the chance to see it, for it was such a pretty star. Pardon me for my lack of vocabulary, but I can find no other words to describe it. It was simply... Pretty.

Someone once said to me, "Hey, can you see stars in the sky? Remember, whenever you see stars in the sky, smile! Because you know we'll be smiling at the stars too, thinking of you."

Reading that does give you a warm, fuzzy feeling in your chest, doesn't it? Well, yeah. I must admit that I was really touched by it, and I admit that it even brought me to tears. Such warmth, honestly, I have only experienced a few times in my life.

Now everytime I look at the stars, I can't help but smile. Reminiscing upon the good old times, and wishing that I could turn back time.

Speaking about stars, I read something in The Little Prince which truly brought me to arousal from my deep slumber in life. Stars, everyone of them is the same. You can see myriads of them in the sky, but what makes these stars so beautiful?

"The stars are beautiful, because of a flower that cannot be seen." Such were the words of the Prince himself.

Now, what you truly love is not the object. It is something beyond material, something beyond substance. Something is valuable because you place a value on it, not because it is truly valuable.

Tell me, would a starving man choose food over a nugget of gold? (YES. I managed a rhetorical question!)

Gold is "valuable" only because we out value into it. So are all other "valuables".

What truly is valuable, are the everyday things most of us never learnt to appreciate. That cup of water, that plate of food, that gulp of fresh air, that ray of sunlight, that group of friends. You knew all these existed, and you know you can't live without these things, but how many times have you thanked God under your breath for life's essentials?

I thank God for that star in the sky.

------------------------------------------------------------

I turned away, as the star slid down the magnificient width of the darkened sky.

The first shooting star in my life. What does that mean?

Emo blogs.

This update is about emo blogs, pure and simple. I guess.

First I must admit this blog is an emo blog by certain standards, which gives me some space to elaborate on the topic.

Well, someone said to me today that "blogs are always so miserable". A fallacy. A hasty generalisation, no doubt, but still a valid argument.

Who in the blogging community has not wrote in a post to lament about the miseries of daily life? I can safely say that no true blue blogger has ever done that. Unless it's a business blog or something. Well, who cares anyway. This update concerns majority of the blogging community, whether you like it or not.

Now, now. As the saying goes, "know thy enemy". Well, emo blogs aren't really our enemies, but it'll certainly help to know them better.

Emo blogs are where overwhelming emotions are poured out onto sheets of virtually decorated paper. Well, you certainly could say that blogs are pieces of virtual paper, no doubt. After all, they're electronic diaries! Ah whatever am I talking about? Heh.

Personally, I am an advocate of emo blogs, being a writer of one myself. I know that this statement has made my argument invalid and unreliable, but you yourself know whether to believe this load I'm writing.

Emo blogs provide people with a medium to be themselves, among the people whom they never really talked to in their lives.

Emo blogs provide relief from the agony of keeping these miseries to oneself. It really does feel much better after you've got it out of your head. Don't believe it?

Write an emo blog yourself. Hah.

I am being antagonized into ending this update early by my ever-waiting-for-the-computer brother. Well, I guess I'll give in to him this time.

Ciao dudes.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cheer up, Chris!
And for once I quote the famous Liverpool song.

"You'll never walk alone."

help.....

Took me long enough to get back in here and update my blog. Yeah.

I have this ominous feeling that my supposed "June holidays" are going down into ruins. Hey, it's only the second day of the holidays. So far everything I have planned for the holidays have already failed, with lessons marring my whole holiday schedule. Well, not only mine, which explains the other reason why all my plans are failing.

So, yeah. I end up walking around alone in the neighbourhood, shopping malls and bladiblabla. I even watched X-men all by myself. Those of you who don't know whether to watch DVC or X-men, let me tell you. X-men is ten times better than DVC. Period. Well, mostly due to the fact that DVC is made out mostly of pure bullshit. If you believe that bullshit, something's wrong with you. I suggest you go-figure. Heh.

Well, officially, I have a one month holiday. Unofficially, I have maybe around two weeks, which is barely enough time for me to study for prelim 2. So tell me, where's the time for me to take a break? I'm not really against the lessons in the holidays, knowing that most of these lessons would be beneficiary to my prelim 2 results, but I certainly wish I had more time to chill out.

Come to think about it, what's the use of me having more time? I don't have friends who'll be chatting with me, I won't have people who would want to or have time to go out with me. Sigh. I guess few people would be able to know how I feel. I'm trying to think of a way to get myself out of this "early-life crisis". Surely it's a crisis, for the extent of the damage is so substantial that it has changed me into an entirely different person.

All the time I wonder why I'm in this. What actually caused this? I'm in a total loss.

-mumbles to myself-

I'm gonna end up putting my hand through the wall, if not the other way round, if this doesn't stop soon. I promised myself I'd get out of depression mode, and just hours ago I thought I got rid of it. It's back again. It seems to like Sundays as its appearance date. Most of my Sundays are literally lost to musing over the pathetic state I'm in. Why Sunday? It's supposed to be the best day of the week! Sigh.............

Now, now.

I'm burying myself in the holiday assignments, it certainly is not the way I want to spend my holidays, but what can I do? At the very least, it's keeping me busy. Shoot. At this rate I am so going to burn out before the 'O' levels.

If you want to help out, please. Drop me a call or a message, or anything. Doesn't matter if you want to go out for a coffee, or go for a walk in the park. Just call me, even to have a chat.

I really need it.

Please be a kind soul and help this poor stressed up guy?

My sincerest gratitude.

And oh! Good luck for those taking chinese tomorrow. Hmm. I wonder why you're still online reading this. Shoo! Go study. Godspeed.

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Pretty scary. I had double vision today. What in the world is going on?

I was terrified today, honestly. Two freakin fingers I saw. Dammit. I even saw two buses when there was only one.

I'm freaking out bad.