Goodbye

I don't know if I'll get a chance to update at the airport, or even in Chiang Mai. So.. Here's a short goodbye for everyone (:

Hope you had a very happy Christmas, and a good New Year coming up. 2009 sure went by quickly, and there will surely be many challenges to come in 2010 (big or small) but hang in there! If some lame dude like me is holding on to his dream, I don't see any reason why anyone wouldn't be able to do the very same.

I will keep chasing this dream of mine until I really really lose it. Hopefully never. Wish me luck for Chiang Mai Open, hopefully we will win something, and hopefully I will be another step closer to my dream.

I'll still be able to receive your messages, so if there's anything, message and I will try to get back to you asap.

If you're reading this. You are the Resistance. Ha. Be back 05/01/10 at night (:

Gwah

My mind is clear now. Or so it seems. I have made a decision and I will stick to it. This is for the best, although it might seem like it isn't.

Gosh its just slightly more than a week away from Christmas. What a year it has been. As usual though, I'll be ending it away from home, but I think I'll be feeling at home alright. The diamond's more than home enough for me, although it is only a secondary home.

Keep training hard. You won't regret it.

(=.=) .......

So it had to end that way. Must have taken a lot of effort.

I guess I didn't help much either.

That's why I was such a bum from the start. Can't trust myself enough to face these problems on my own. I think that's called running away, but... I think I've got no choice. Not right now anyway.

Goodbye.

Mixed up.

It feels so weird that something like that's happening right now, just after I resigned myself to the lack of it. Maybe its the chronological proximity that drew such a reaction from me. I'd thought it was a sign. Maybe God was trying to prove me wrong somewhat. Now though I look back at it and it looks like a test for me. It practically SCREAMS get your act together. It was another lesson for me.

He has such unique ways of teaching us. I'd expect that though, after all He did define 'unique' to begin with.

Actually right now, I really feel slightly confused over what to do with things the way they are. Where to go from here? I would very much like to know the answer, but the fact that I'm such a cow really doesn't help. I cannot help it. I just want to feel that way. That feeling that I've lost out on ever since forever. Now that I can feel that way, should I continue on this path just because of it? What if the feeling fades?

I'm afraid to know.

I'm not going to let myself be controlled by feelings and that's that.