zzz

It's been quite a while since I updated and since I'm still sian about doing work now I shall update a bit.

If you have been following my twitter posts you'd more or less know what's been going on in my life lately, but what I posted in there is like, only a small fraction of what has reeeally been happening lately: A LOT. Especially last weekend in church which was like, yesterday and the day before. I felt like a changed person, oh well, at least for a while. I want the feeling! It pretty much refreshes me because I truly am tired of all the typical moods switching around in a routine-like cacophony.

Anyway, at the time that this post was typed: its 210 hours away from the final. The championship is ours and no one's going to touch it.

Haven't been studying a lot lately, because I just can't. It's just the feeling that I have to get certain things sorted out first before I can start fighting. I will clear the mess in due time. My parents have been attacking me for using the com a lot (like I spend my time in school from 7am to 8pm luh and I don't even have space to complain) and well. It doesn't feel good to hear certain things that are being said about my computer usage, especially since they do not know what I'm doing on the com. Trying to find a good way out of this problem but I don't know how.

Just realized that all that I ever wanted out of others was acceptance. The feeling that I matter, and the feeling that I'm not redundant. I don't know luh, all these things seem so stupid when I type them out. Guess I'd never felt much love from others . Maybe that's I don't have much strength to love, but when it comes down to using the right kind of love, it sure is hard to love using God's love instead of my own.

Inside me I wish I could be everything to my friends. Haha. Dumb, I know, because all I can be is me. Just plain, old, boring, inadequate me. I can never be funny, I can't possibly be inspiring, I'm quite possibly the most boring person to hang out with, I can't maintain a proper conversation long enough, I don't have any self-confidence, I don't have so many things, and I don't have anything to give but me.

Alright going to do my Bible project then off to sleep. Update soon..