paranoid

I just realized the ease with which the actions of others affect me, and I just realized that when I get really emotional I'll eat cheese fries and drink bubble tea. I just drank the bubble tea and gobbled down the cheese fries, not that they made me feel any better though. Apparently paranoia has extended to the further reaches of my inner self. I am no longer only worried about coping with my studies and CCA, now I have the fear of losing the things so important to me to add to the worry list. There's bound to be some time in your life when you feel pretty much nihilistic, but why am I even feeling a slight bit of that now, of all times? I don't have any reason to feel that way. Okay, I do have my reasons, but I doubt they'll satisfy anyone.

One part of me wishes that I was another one of those temerarious people, daring to take all the risks and daring to fight for myself, but another side tells me to persevere, for there is no limit to kindness and other virtues. I just hate it how love destroys, how it hurts. I know it would be meaningless if all love did was to build and to heal, but sometimes it just hurts so much you feel like ending it.

And at the end of the day, all the world has known would be just another guy who left his mark in the sand.