Awake?

It has indeed been quite a while since I updated, and thus I will attempt this post to be a really long one!

This CNY break has given me much space and time to think over my faults and misdeeds, and also my merits! I now understand how lucky I am to have a class such as mine, and even though I wish that things would remain this way at least for the next two years, I know I will have to accept changes. It is necessary for life to be filled with pain and suffering.

I draw strength from Him, and that strength is bestowed upon me to cope with the problems that I go through in life. It is no point for me lamenting and squatting down at the corner wallowing in self-pity. I have to be strong, and I have to live life the way He wants it. I have to take my religion seriously, for I now know the importance of good and sturdy bilateral relations with Him. He freely gives, and He freely takes away. I just have to be content with what I have.

I have to learn to ignore my own feelings, for the good of the people around me. It will be a tough job, a daunting task indeed, but I shall prevail over this obstacle. I have to learn to depend on Him, and at the same time putting my best into life. If 110% effort is what it takes to stay afloat in Hwa Chong, I shall do it. Life has been a mere chasing of the wind for me recently, and as is for most Singaporeans in today's society. Money, status, and luxuries, what would it bring?

Which is partly why I have decided to go into the education industry. What are we teaching our children nowadays? To become lifeless money-making machines, living a life based on the satisfaction of carnal pleasures, and living life based on impulse? Is this what advancement in humanity has done us? Driving ourselves to the path of self-destruction?

I really do not mind living a short but meaningful life, really. I'd be willing to die, as long as I have made a difference in someone else's life. Let my existence be of service to mankind, no matter how minuscule my contribution is. I want to change lives. I cannot just sit back and watch the next generation fall into oblivion. I have seen the effects, and I cannot let it go on.

I'd better start doing things right, for in truth, I really do not have much time left. My vision blurs occasionally, and that is truly an ominous sign. My glaucoma must have been insidiously working within me, and I know that sooner or later, my sight has to go. I want to see you. I don't ever want to lose sight of you. It pains me to know that one day I won't be able to see you through my own eyes. I don't want to go blind. I want to be able to see you for as long as I live.

So much for a long post, so emo now I can't continue.