Wheeeee

I'm online in the afternoon and hey, where in the world did every other person go? Guess I'm the best at timing my online visits. With nothing else to do but homework, gosh, I decided to blog!

Okay let me start this post with the most important thing in life. GOD! Lol. You guessed it huh? I'm still fighting to remind myself what I should do and what I should not, and its a tough struggle when I do the wrong thing consciously. I need serious help! Help pray for my weakness please >.<

I never really realized how much I missed my cousins until yesterday. What a sad fact! It felt really good to have everyone gather together again and it was really memorable. We had lots of jokes and laughter, and we took photos like it was free! (oh I forgot. its free!) I'll post some photos when I get back to Singapore! :D Oh and I took mega loads of photos when I was on the ferry and the plane. DeviantART's going to have a picture overload! Hahah.

Today I saw the third candle of Advent being lighted up and I was suddenly reminded of the fact that I had just slightly over two weeks to settle all my homework. Gosh. Two weeks before school reopens! -PANIC. Ohwell I know the candles are meant to remind us of more important things, but I couldn't help it. I remember we discussed it in church last week! So, I'm like, flipping through HAPPY (Humanitarian Aid Package in Physics for You) and feeling like collapsing because it has 28 full pages of questions. JC life is such a sad life. At least Chemistry is fine, but still quite excessive. GP is arduous, with "Time Tunnel 2" and "Issues and Ideas" which I doubt I will manage to complete by the end of the holidays. Math is ridiculous. They think we do math at the rate of 1 question per minute or what? There are TONS of questions in the booklet! Ah, at least the Econs teachers were merciful enough to grace us failures only with a few essays.

Count your blessings, Josiah. Count your blessings. Ohman.

I think I have to attempt to finish something now. I'll be back soon I hope :) God bless and take care y'all.

I'm plugged!

Well hello again everyone! This time I'm blogging from Indonesia. Cheers to cable internet! Will be here till the 26th I think. Long way to go, but I'm sure it'll pass super quickly! >.<

I'm still missing camp. Aww. I'm not crying because I lost it, I'm smiling because it happened! I made quite a few friends that I know will be there to listen when I need it, and that really is one of the things I like about camp. The constant reminder that God is the BIGGEST and the MOST IMPORTANT thing in life, and that all of us are in the same quest of faith to be good children! People, always go back to the heart of it all! I know its hard sometimes, but always go back to God whenever you feel like taking control of the situation yourself. It has worked for me these few days, and I'm praying that it will continue!

Coming back to Indonesia feels like stepping right back into the past, just like what I told Josiah 2. I've spent the better part of my life fighting it out in Singapore, and that's where my 'life' is now. People often say that 'home is where the heart is', and I think I probably must have many many hearts in me, because my heart's always with so many different people. I recollect moments everyday about the good times, the laughs, the jokes, and hey. That's where home is. My friends, my family. Of course, who's the one behind it all? God, of course. God gave me friends, and I can't thank Him enough for them. God gave me family, and by golly don't I feel really blessed to have such a wonderful family!

The camp actually enlightened me somehow. Apparently behind those jokes and laughs and studying the Word, I was growing inside, without even knowing it. Wonderful, isn't it? I miss everyone!

I'm staring at a stack of homework right now, and I'm still wondering whether I should get down to doing it. I think, I think for a while more, and I've decided that I should do my work. God would smile when He sees me shaking off these lazy habits! That's it for now, people!

Keep yourself plugged in! Don't hesitate to contact me if you need the services of an 'electrician'! xD

Synod Youth Camp 2007!

Well, well. What can I say! As opposed to most of the camps that I have been to, this camp is really something special that will probably be one of the milestones in my spiritual life! Wheeeeee~

I shall not write a day-to-day account because it is such a cliche.

It was something of a wake up call. I pretty much felt what it was like to be 'plugged in' to God every single day. The wake up call came through the many people around me who inspired me one way or another, and somehow there was this constant air of reminder that God was the center of everything. Another redeeming factor was my personal determination to help myself out of the abyss that I was in. Throughout the camp I tried to remind myself that the camp was called the "Synod Youth Camp" for a reason, and that I shouldn't bear any grudges even if I was treated unfairly in any way by anyone around because we were there to help each other grow.

Oh man it totally worked.

I feel really good to now have an experience that I can fall back upon. A period of time where I managed to subdue the evil within and bring out the best in me and others. It shall be my inspiration in tough times! Lots of that coming next year...

Another great blessing that God has given me this camp are great friends! I was really really lucky to have been assigned to the same room as two groups of awesome people. I found another JOSIAH. Kool! There were 3 Josiahs in camp. Muahahah. Our Joke Club was MEGA hilarious and memorable even though we only had one precious session of jokes. The first time EVER (other than Simpsons Movie) that I laughed for a whole hour without stopping! Ohmanohmanohman.

*Breathes in and breathes out* LOL (inside joke).

I shall take some time to write about the great people I met around in camp. Alright, based on Bishop Alan Stewart's message, I shall build this post with the most important thing first. God's first on the list, because I met him around quite a lot during the camp! Second would be my roommates! You guys totally owned, even though it caused me some pain =.= hahahah. It was a joy to be with you people. Seriously. Almost every moment in Classroom 23 was fun! Let's hope that our friendship will continue and follow through into something better, because we're linked not just by friendship alone but our dear God who brought us together to help each other out :) Third would be all the other campers that I got to know during the camp! It was a joy to be in the same camp as you all and I'll see you next year if the camp goes on! Haha!

4B! xD

It was a really good feeling to live my life as I did during the camp! I shall make an exception and break the rule of run-on sentences this time! Haha! All the friends I made, singing my heart out for every song even though I had lost my voice, all the cool jokes I told and heard, all the friendly punches and handshakes, all the happy conversations exchanged, all the hashbrowns consumed, all the laughs and stomachaches, all the ping-pang, all the yesterdays all my troubles seemed so far away, all the songs sung, all the hellos and goodbyes, all the smiles, all the photos taken, all the water games, all the not-so-watery games, all the electives, all the snacks, all the angel-mortal letters, all the prayers, all the blessings and ALL THE FUN! Phew.. Thanks to God for all that!

Rachall requested that I put pictures, so I'll put them up! :)


Picture with the chairman!



Colours many many!



I helped take this pic! Wheeee



Woo Eclipse!



Random canteen scene...



STONEY..



STONER!



Game plan... Kick #%@^!



Breathe in... Breathe out...



Josiah(s) ROCK! lol. Nicholas is FUNNY.






















God blessed us with a nice view!









Group LOL!















Cool pic!
































Chen Li people!

The captions are seriously screwed up heheheh. Who cares anyway! xD

For All The "Not So Right" Reasons.

Many times we do things for all the wrong reasons, consciously or not, most of the time involuntarily. It fully dawned upon me today that the society that we have created for ourselves is a road of unchecked self-delusion that winds boundlessly into the abyss of idiocy. Pure folly. People rarely ever bother to search this fact, what more understand it. Personally, almost every external event that we attend would most likely be classified as "done for the wrong reasons".

Take for an example, school. How many students today go to school with the mindset that school would be what helps them to a brighter future? We don't even need a survey to know the results. Some students go to school to have fun with their friends, some go to school because their parents would get angry if they didn't. How would one be able to benefit fully from an activity, if his focus is set upon another objective? The system now is based on conformity, setting the standards for what society deems as a "success". This results in a very clear and unnerving (for me, at least) division of societal levels. "Success" causes complacency to set in. A "successful" person might not be able to understand the meaning of suffering. Ask any student today for their definition of suffering, and they would probably come up with something related to their studies and relationships.

Who today would ever start thinking first about others' suffering?

Let us take something related to school for another example. I often see the cleaner uncle in school all alone, cleaning the mess that we students create. Do we even know how hard it must be to clean every inch of the canteen, over and over again? We surely don't, or we wouldn't be messing the whole place up all the time. The birds add salt to the wound. As if it isn't enough work to do, we dirty the place even more thoroughly with all our empty plates and undisposed rubbish. Does anyone understand the pains of a cleaner? Their lives are tough enough. Why do we have to complicate it further? Why can't we just make life easier for others?

Yes, "success" is something. It just means that you've got a piece of paper in your portfolio that would give you a high-paying job. "Success", however, does not make you any better a human than a cleaner. Respect is indispensable when we cross the paths of any human on the surface of this planet. If you paid your maid a salary, it would not make her any lesser a human. These people have feelings, they have their own problems, and they just haven't been allowed the chance for a better life.

"Success" is overrated. People think of it as a passport to a higher standard of living and a superior level of humanity. Aye to the former; the latter's nonsense. Why can't we all just make an effort to be truly successful?

It was really an eye-opening experience today during the practice game over at the high school side. The two sides were engaged in a see-saw battle which raged for seven full innings. Yes, I used the right word there. Raged. There was a lot of unpleasant talk and illogical bluntness going around throughout the game. If I were a stranger and if not for their costumes, I would have so easily taken them as two different teams.

One side was playing small ball. Almost a full bunting game for them, and they relished every instance where errors occured. Every error will elicit a string of unpleasant taunts and laughter. I have never seen teammates jeer and taunt each other as much as them, which led me to wonder about what caused the rift to widen between the group of people.

My answer was one side's desire to win. They wanted to win so much that they sacrificed others' feelings for it. They were so drunk with the desire to win that nothing else mattered for them, because if they lost, they would feel inferior. People never want to feel inferior to others.

Especially others who are supposedly "weaker" than them.

The competition is raging elsewhere, everywhere in the world today. The rat race is unfolding in workplaces, schools and even homes. Bad grades in school would result in contemn from the people around. A failed transaction would signal that you lost the race. Going to a neighbourhood school would be seen as a reason to say that you're not as good as your sibling. Everyone's racing, everyone's fighting and everyone's under fire from everyone else.

Survival instinct is intrinsic in every human being, but when it is allowed to take over, survival instinct does not only want survival. It wants dominance and power. Do not let it propagate within you.

------------------------------------------------

Apparently I still have lots to say. This post will be continued...

Empty

Let's just say something tells me things aren't as flowery as I thought it was. As all things go with me, they rarely really end nicely. This feeling never signals anything good, actually. I've always been proven right on that point. Oh gosh I'd be happy if I could be proven wrong this time. Dead overjoyed.

The holidays are going pretty slowly. Damn. I know it's going to be over before I know it though. Better start trying to do something useful, while my brother is playing his days away after the A levels...

My mind's pretty empty right now. Quite a common phenomenon but also a rarity, if you can pardon the irony. My writing's going down the drain, and my ideas are draining out through that exact same drain. Hopeless, I say.

In view of that emptiness in my head. This post ends right here.

Back for the moment

Back after a week in Jakarta. Somehow the city seems pretty messy now that the busways are in place. Seeing all that traffic jam reminded me of econs' dead weight loss. Must count in the millions.

To tell the truth, I was just getting used to living there. Ironic, I know, since it was the place I called home for eight whole years of my childhood. Life in Jakarta is almost totally different now, or maybe its just me. Feels pretty weird to be back in Singapore anyway.

Had a minor operation back in Indonesia, which explains why I have not been able to start training as soon as I got back (yesterday night), and I probably wouldn't be able to train for a bit. To top it all up I still have to disappear for a month.

So yeah, I'm writing them Christmas cards already. I definitely won't be in Singapore for almost the whole period of December, so when you (keep hoping you'll get a card) get the card, please wait till Christmas to open it? Haha. Yeah. I probably won't get to see everyone I'm going to give the card to. Dang. That makes my job really difficult. Hmm. Maybe I have to set one day aside to deliver them Christmas cards myself.

On the remarks that I'm going to get an A for GP, ohplease. I cannot write well under pressure at all. My writings are substandard nowadays anyway haha, just take a look at all the recent posts.

I realised that I have deteriorated in many aspects, and yet at the same time improving in some. Is this what the road to maturity looks like? The road to adulthood? Adolescence is a dream. A beautiful dream, blotched only by your self-doubts and excessive worrying. I see that. The people around. They change drastically. They become the so-called "adults". I don't want to become one.

Which is why I dread graduating from JC. Once I get out, the society's going to pat me on the back and tell me that I'm an "adult". Tell me that I'm good enough to fight for myself. All my friends go their own way. I go my own way. Everyone goes out to fight for their own future.

Once that happens, oh gosh. I shall be lonely. Lonely but unyielding. Hoping that life would return to its original state once I'm done with my career. Deep down, though, I know that I'll never be the same person again. The people around me will be different. Things change, people change. You always think that you're the same, but maybe you're the one who changed most.

Which leaves me with the determination to squeeze every moment of J2 life dry of elation. Not tears of despair, but rivers of resolve. Aye Dr Ross.

To the people concerned (it's probably you. Yes, you. The one reading this. If you bothered to read all the way till this paragraph you're probably someone nice enough for me to miss lol), I missed you while I was away.

Let Bygones be Bygones

I shouldn't have. I really shouldn't have fallen into that trap. There's totally no use getting all sad and worked up over boredom and idleness, because I do have things to do.

Work's all piled up on the desk. Cloud's waiting for me to help him kill Sephiroth. I still have not mastered either hiragana or katakana, much less kanji. iTunes has 574839203483 album arts for me to search. I have lots of anime to draw.

What do I have to be sad about for now?

No friends? No one to accompany me?

I have my books, my playstation, my Japanese to learn, my pictures to draw, my blog to rant, my diary to write, my God to pray. What do I have to fear?

Home?

It really can get frustrating at times, when you feel like you're being pushed around; when the future's always uncertain. Oh well. It was a frustrating two weeks, but God does have ways to pick me up. Hmm. I just wonder how long that trip would last me, because now I think I'd probably be bored and idle again tomorrow.

I don't know what to say, really. Am I supposed to just remain stagnant and unmoving until the next move God makes, or am I supposed to go out there to find out what I need to do next? Even if the answer's the latter, where do I go?

Yeah. I'd probably be better off trying to get used to living a slow, boring life alone like what I'm doing now. Find somewhere to go now and then when others feel like it, remain alone when others don't feel like seeing me. Since when does my vote count anyway? Maybe only with God. Hey. You know the feeling, when you know that you have to do the right thing, but you can't? I'm full of it every single day.

A friendship is like a house, with you and your friend living in it. You have to maintain and take care of that house, both you and your friend, for things to work out. Both sides have to give, and both sides have to clean the house up. Both sides have to furnish the house, make it comfortable for the both of you. For the friendship to bloom, you both have to transform the house into a home.

Most importantly, I'd like to quote the saying, "Home is where the heart is". To transform your "house" into a home, keep the friendship in your heart, always. That way you can never go wrong.

So where the hell did I go wrong?

Is it my fault that the other side refuses to preserve my friendship? Or is it my fault for not being persistent enough? Yeah. People change. You and me. We all change. Sadly though, memories stay, and that's what makes separation unbearably painful. If I had a choice, maybe I'd choose never to have crossed your path. I'd probably experience less pain in my life.

Maybe pain is good. Maybe pain's a devil. Maybe I'm like pain.

Maybe I'm perfect. Maybe I'm an idiot. Go figure which one I am.

The Perfect Imperfect

Alright, here goes nothing.

I've been doing nothing seriously useful these holidays. Period. All the time is going into a solitary hunt for entertainment, where others rarely play a part or even make a dent in my action plans. I realise that all the while, softball is the one thing that keeps me from straying off. Having had to stop training because of my injured leg, it became somewhat clear to me that constant activity has somehow integrated itself into my life. I have to do something. I cannot stop until I'm exhausted. Being idle is a waste of your life.

Every second, I know, is precious. The problem is that I cannot bring myself to do what people deem as "useful", like studying. Even worse, I find no companionship for the things I want to do. Yeah, yeah. I can't even have proper fun.

If holidays really actually mean solitary confinement, I'd rather study all year. Exhaustion is so much more satisfying than idleness. Yeah, friends leave their mark in your life. How many, though, bother to constantly touch your life?

How many people derive their joy from your smile and your happiness?

Few. Maybe even none.

Maybe it's just Singapore. Maybe it's just the cold, hard world we're living in now.

I don't know how many times I have pondered over this question, but the only logical solution that comes to mind is to live off memories. Memories of the good times, memories of the jokes, the laughs, the joy, how we overcame the sorrows. Sadly, though, these memories can never come along with the realisation that your friends aren't what they used to be anymore. Or maybe you're the one who changed. The realisation that hey, your friends aren't there with you anymore. It's painful. New friends come, but they just can't take that space in your heart that was occupied by what you thought would be someone who'd fight with you to the end.

Maybe it was all just self-delusion in the first place. What does it matter now that it's gone? All you can do is to brace yourself for the uncertainty ahead. There are times in life when you feel invincible, like nothing can break you down, but you'll fall sooner or later. There are times in life when it seems that everything is going wrong, but you know the bad times won't last.

Maybe all we have to do is to find a middleground for us to live our lives in. What priorities do we set for ourselves? What do you value? Where does your happiness come from?

"Happiness" often comes from attainment. Yeah, I'll feel "happy" if I get four 'A's for A-levels, but is that really happiness? How do we find that happiness that truly lasts a lifetime? Pure joy and happiness come from faith and an unquenchable fountain of hope within, from peace and the love of peace, and from the ability to derive elation from the simplest of things. That stage would be what I call, "spiritual enlightenment".

Sometimes I feel it. Yeah. I feel it coming by, patting my shoulders for just a moment. Whatever I do, though, I cannot make it stay, and I know why it won't stay with me. It is like a flash of the past, often coming back to spur you on, often coming back to remind you of your faults.

Our faults are many, but how many people can say they tried their utmost best to right their wrongs?

The society now seems to thrive on human imperfections. Why can't we all thrive on perfection instead? Perfection does not have to be ideally perfect. What we're talking here is human perfection. If you're the perfect pitcher, it doesn't mean you have to pitch a perfect game every time.

If you're a perfect human, you don't have to be perfect.

You have to try, you have to know that you've tried so hard to live every breath of your life to your best, pursuing moral perfection and aiding your community. You have to try so hard to eradicate all your selfish thoughts, all your negative thoughts.

At the end of it all, you might have sinned. Alright. You might have cursed someone particularly annoying. Fine. You might have let your community down. Okay. But if in your heart, you know how much effort you have put in to perfect yourself, take heart.

You're the perfect human being, perfection born of imperfections.

Us humans, we're not perfect to start with, but we can be. That's where pure happiness can be found I say.

Cast in Stone Crutches

Oh stoopidy doodly crap. Somehow I managed to get myself another major injury, the second one in two years, and this one left me unable to walk. All the time spent at home either wasting myself away on the computer or doing nothing.

Amazing how immobility leaves you feeling almost entirely powerless. You have to walk around with the help of crutches, you can't sit around without propping your leg up, and you can't even bathe standing up. It's such a bother. The worst thing is when your mother tells you to stop using the computer. How am I supposed to spend my time like that? I can't read 70% of my time away, and I draw with the aid of the computer. For now, the computer's like my third leg, the only thing that's keeping me in contact with the rest of the world. Of course, the phone is another useful tool I have, but who in the world messages me?

It is at these times that I wonder what the future holds. Suppose a fire starts next door and spreads over, what is my escape plan? (Oh crap I have to think of a plan) It's like being trapped in prison, where the other inmates (people like my brother, although he is being locked up in a different cell called 'A' levels) come and go freely. I'm the only one trapped in the miserable cell without a key... Can't help feeling useless, can't help feeling abandoned, can't help being envious of others, can't stand the fact that my mobility is lost for now. Mobility means a lot to someone like me.

Sports, movement, action. All these I had at my disposal just a few days ago.

And now its 4-8 weeks away...

Oh well. I am not one to ask for pity. If I am going to spend my month away not even getting to see a friend, so be it. I, for one, do not deny weakness though. It does get lonely sometimes...

Saw this set of lyrics somewhere (don't ask me where), found it really moving.

Don't Laugh at Me

I'm a little boy with glasses
The one they call the geek
A little girl who never smiles
'Cause I've got braces on my teeth
And I know how it feels
To cry myself to sleep

I'm that kid on every playground
Who's always chosen last
A single teenage mother
Tryin' to overcome my past
You don't have to be my friend
But is it too much to ask

Don't laugh at me
Don't call me names
Don't get your pleasure from my pain
In God's eyes we're all the same
Someday we'll all have perfect wings
Don't laugh at me

I'm the cripple on the corner
You've passed me on the street
And I wouldn't be out here beggin'
If I had enough to eat
And don't think I don't notice
That our eyes never meet

I lost my wife and little boy when
Someone crossed that yellow line
The day we laid them in the ground
Is the day I lost my mind
And right now I'm down to holdin'
This little cardboard sign...so

Don't laugh at me
Don't call me names
Don't get your pleasure from my pain
In God's eyes we're all the same
Someday we'll all have perfect wings
Don't laugh at me

I'm fat, I'm thin, I'm short, I'm tall
I'm deaf, I'm blind, hey, aren't we all

Don't laugh at me
Don't call me names
Don't get your pleasure from my pain
In God's eyes we're all the same
Someday we'll all have perfect wings
Don't laugh at me

Just remembering the scenes in my mind where people laughed at those in pain, or those who are less privileged than them. If the world learnt just this value, so much suffering would disappear from the face of the Earth today.

I'm just glad that I still have some mobility. Maybe someone could take me out to a movie or something (an activity that does not require standing. Oh! Kbox o.O) .. For those who read "Tuesdays with Morrie" out there, yes I can still wipe my bottom.

I'm in bed but I'm not dead. Enough for now though. Do a good deed everyday you.

Useless

For many guys in Singapore, holidays will probably mean computer games, computer games, soccer, and more computer games.

I tried the computer games part. It was fun to begin with, but everything just got very repetitive... Now I'm tired of games. Haha. Wonder why huh. Maybe I'm just not the gamey type. I'm also tired of computer games partly because I feel really useless playing all those games. Why am I spending hours and hours of my life's prime in front of the computer trying to entertain myself! Sigh. Without computer games (or the computer)it'll be so difficult to pass time though.

Trying to find something useful to do...

Any tips just leave a tag or call or anything :)

wdjfhlkwnlkdhgjwfllek

I think i'm supposed to post more now that the exams are like, way over. Don't know though. I'm almost always on the computer, well, just got really lazy for almost 2 weeks now after my previous short post...

Been going out lots these two weeks and I am so very thankful for having a really great bunch of people around me. Well, we meet sometimes, like maybe once a year or two? (we broke the record this year!) The memories I collect every time we meet, though, are always golden. Memories which never fail to make me smile :)

PWned. Well, the crunch is barely here yet, with the OP just lurking around in the shadows of the coming night. WR was (hopefully) not a disaster. OP's coming at the end of the month though! How are we supposed to rehearse for everything! Zzz...

School's a giant waste of time nowadays. They always manage to find the lamest reasons to make us go to school. Going through only one paper of physics when they could have done two just so they could make us come back on another day of empty timetables. It really is a nuisance. Can't they just let us go to do PW in the peace of our homes?

Okay it seems that my brain's short-circuited. I hereby declare that the post ends here.

Oh, and Republic Polytechnic's a cool, hard, metallic place. They have to plant more trees!

The river flows..

I was so preoccupied with playing that it took me nearly a week after the end of promos to get a post in.

Well, it's over. I don't even know what to say anymore now. Seniors are telling me to play my 2-3 months away (of course without neglecting the oh-my-gosh-so-fun PW), and I am already feeling guilty playing my week away. Heheh. Sabbaticals tomorrow and Friday! Woots. Play some moreeeeeeeeeee...

Prudence tells me that it would only be right that I start revising for next year during the holidays. Hold the curses, though. I figured I probably would not get down to do it.

Changed my blog picture, because this year's not the year for the M's anymore, and because this was a really inspiring picture for me.

A pair of flip-flops floating on the surface of the water, walking where the river flows, hand in hand (don't decipher it so literally please) and courageously facing the uncertainties which lay ahead. Even though we might be at the mercy of so many things in life, we must go on, bravely walk where God takes us and fight till the last breath.

The river keeps flowing and flowing, and there will come a day where we meet the sea, where true freedom will be ours to keep.

Hold on, friend.

Soon?

To the 28th! Freedom shall reign temporary, but temporary is better than the ordinary. That's where the fun shall begin, and '09 will be where the fun continues; and also where my grades make that darn cut.

A mere 11 days away! Till then, adieu. I shall hide in my turtle shell!

日本語、むずかし。

ぼくわジョです、年十七。

Whew. Learning Japanese isn't so easy. I can see why so many people quit after a while, it simply is too arduous to learn all the necessary kanji and words for proficiency in the language. The Japan Association estimates that it would take 900 hours of proper study for someone to be able to pass the JLPT level 1 test (which apparently is the highest proficiency and enough for living your whole lifetime in Japan), I am not even 1% there.

Promos first though... After that I can go and learn Swahili for all I care, I'd have about half a year to slack off a bit after promos.

Meanwhile... さよなら、きおつけて。

o.O 200 posts..

Woah, my post count has reached 200! That's probably enough material to start a mini-book. Like, Memoirs of Jo or something. I should find time to back all my posts up, really. If Blogger were to crash one day and all my posts were erased, (touchwood, flowers, bamboos, whatever) I would probably be utterly devastated. Many days of typing ending up in literally nothing! Hmm. Let me check my timetable, see when I can back 'em up...

Yeah, the Promo/Prelim/O-level/A-level fever is here and it looks like it's going to hang around for quite a while. I, for one, am not going to let the Promos take away whatever little life I have. Studying all day and all night is a total no-no for me. I have learnt a most valuable lesson from the impending promos, which is the fact that I have to enjoy myself in the process of securing myself a J2 status. I don't have to love studying, and I don't have to forgo my entertainment. I learn to balance the both of them.

Effective Study + Fun = Promotion + Happiness

Please pardon me if you have found the true secret before I have, or if you have done it without even having to put in any effort, and kindly please do not see me as a lagger (although many times I have been associated with the word "blur" and an animal living in a shell). We all have different learning curves, somehow mine's one with a really gentle gradient. I take time, but praise the Lord, I do learn eventually.

On average, I have finished revision for half of the total number of chapters in my J1 syllabus. How's that for a September holidays? Oh, and I managed to play quite a bit as well. Played computer for a while (I admit), watched Rata2e, rewrote my high score for bowling, and I'll be going for softball with the Towers tomorrow.

Japanese bento rocks, totally.

Mugger Hotel is really some 5-star lodging.

Holiday!! o.O

Jo was jumping around like a dumb kangaroo. Oh my wootsiness, the holidays are here! Every single step felt light as a feather, every breath inflated a balloon of elation within him. Like a goldfish muttering soundlessly in its bowl, his lips mouthed soundless words, for he was far too excited by the prospect of the holidays. Let's say, as excited as a child would be before his first trip to the zoo.

"One week of freedom! One week of fun! One week of enjoyment! One week of happiness! Woohoo!"

Having approximately the metabolism of a pig, really, Jo's jumping around creates enough pressure on the floor, causing it to give way beneath him. He falls as a rock would, and crashes heavily on an entirely adamantine surface. He is lucky to have no broken bones whatsoever. The impact left him slightly diconcerted, but he could make out a tall building standing before him. Two brightly tinted words struck him from a signboard nearby.

It read: MUGGER HOTEL.

Oh shit.

20+ days

Yeah. That's about all the time we have before the final battle (for the academic year of 2007, that is) and do our utmost best to save our own posteriors from the oh-so-hard kicks aimed at them.

Strictly speaking, we have about 5 days per subject? Something like that. Many a desperate student have started to cram their seemingly non-porous skulls with overdue information, while others resign themselves to the workings of Fate himself.

I, personally, find myself caught up in between these two extremes.

Some days I feel like I should devour my notes, while on other days I just feel like sitting down and not doing anything at all.

Some common mantras among students at this time of the year would be:

"Die lah."
"I'm screwed."
"Omgomgomg 20 plus days left only leh!"
"Retain liao lah."
"Walau careless mistake again, dumb lah."

Alright, I admit that the last one is a personal mantra I have taken to chanting during desperate math revision sessions. I personally find it really worrying, the fact that sometimes I seem not to be able to tell a positive sign from a negative sign at all.

With all that's been said (and not done), I have one message, and pardon the pun.

Go figure. (math is a very important subject)

When the past catches up with you..

Okay. So global warming may or may not be a natural phenomenon, because the always-shallow me has conveniently left out the possibility of the unprecedentedly high CO2 levels in the atmosphere. Combined with the loss of the Seattle Mariners against the Texas Rangers yesterday, (and a possible one today, Mariners are trailing 1-3 in the seventh inning) my mood really really has to plunge into the immeasurable depths of negativity.

Again, I wonder why I am still feeling relatively okay. Alright. My life does not just revolve around environmental problems and the M's.

Before I say anything else, though, I would like to quote that the large hole in the ozone layer has patched up, all in the span of a mere decade or so. Now who said the environment is beyond rescue?

People say my posts are long and dry and everything unhappy. I am not so sure about this. Many posts were written in much happiness and many smiles (although admittedly some posts were written with much frustration), and even though most of these are just the supposedly "intellectually-stimulating" writings which I have little or no capacity for, I take pride in what I write.

Jo <3 his writings. Jo <3 his writings. They give him an escape into the past, and they often show him the way to go. They show him what his growing up process is like.

If you are interested enough to find out more about me (which is an undertaking I seriously doubt anyone will be interested in, but just for the sake of justifying myself), surf through my older posts. See how the kid grows up. See how little Jo saw life, and see how he sees life now. See how he changes (for the worse or for the better, I do not know, but he did change). By reading, seeing, watching little Jo grow up, you can almost see the path which lay ahead of him.

Almost.

He fights and he wavers. He loves life one moment and hates it the next. He thinks too deeply, then he thinks too shallowly. He snags knowledge, and then he misses out on it. He is elated, and then he is down in the dumps. One day he is ignorant, and the next day he is a Captain Planet.

That is just how things are with me.

Writing about myself in third person is quite fun.

So where is Life taking me to now? Where is Life taking everybody?

I miss my relatives back in Indonesia. My grandmother came here on transit the other day, and when I saw her I suddenly realised just how much I loved and missed her. I have lost much time with her and my grandfather, and I feel really guilty for not having done my fullest part as a grandson.

When I met her, I saw how frail she had become; how time was wearing her out slowly but surely. I very nearly wept at the very sight of her. I was sorry. I was so sorry for something I had no say in, I was sorry for the inevitable. I was sorry that I was not there all these years, when I should have been if not for the riots. I was sorry for having left them for so long, for letting them attribute their love of me only to memories, and for not letting them see me when they miss me.

Somehow I know they are with me, thinking about me and missing me, and I hope the same applies to them.

I just hope everything will go fine...

true or false?

I read this article that global warming is just a theory.

The world goes on a hot-cold cycle ranging through millions of years, and we're just unfortunate enough to live in a time of the transition. True or false?

This hypothesis is just about as reliable as the Big Bang theory. Better be safe than sorry though.

SO KEEP REDUCING, REUSING, RECYCLING AND DOING THINGS TO SAVE THE EARTH.

Monday Morning Slugfest

Seattle mowed the White Sox flat while the math test murdered me.

I was playing well into the game with 2 shutout questions when the differentiation question blasted a grand slam into the far right of the stadium. Then the slugfest began. I think I conceded more than 20 marks out of a possible 30. What a nightmare. At least its over though, but there still is a long day to go...

Been trying to stay relatively cheerful all these times, and thankfully I had no single opportunity to force it the least bit. I had multitudes of reasons to be all cheerful and I snagged each one of them with insatiable hunger for elation, which made a pretty good weekend even though I spent the large part of it solving math problems and going for tuition.

Somewhere just marginally shy of 40 days before the promos, I am already feeling a tad worried for my promotional status. Small daily class tests (and of course lecture tests) have so kindly composed a score that reveals almost holistically my throngs of academic inadequacies, and I am afraid that the score I am composing for myself has an identical tune. Wisdom and prudence calls for a personal review of these scores to pick out the flaws, and to transform them failures into shards of stark brilliance.

I have to do it all in less than 40 days.

So many things can be done within the span of 40 days, maybe even tasks of brobdingnagian proportions, but why am I not confident of devouring the entire J1 syllabus within these 40 days? I wonder.

Time permits that I ace my promos. So why am I not embracing the gift that has been so generously bestowed upon me?

I have to reorganise... Time is accomodating my pleas for help, and it is only I that obstruct the progress towards success...

CAPTAIN PLANET.

HEY ALL YOU PEOPLE OUT THERE!

GLOBAL WARMING IS GOING TO KILL US REAL SOON IF YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED!

• The rate of warming is increasing. The 20th century's last two decades were the hottest in 400 years and possibly the warmest for several millennia, according to a number of climate studies. And the United Nations' Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) reports that 11 of the past 12 years are among the dozen warmest since 1850.

• Arctic ice is rapidly disappearing, and the region may have its first completely ice-free summer by year 2040 or earlier. Polar bears and indigenious cultures already suffering from the sea-ice loss.

We don't need to wait for governments to solve this problem: each one of us can bring an important help adopting a more responsible lifestyle: starting from little, everyday things. It's the only reasonable way to save our planet, before it is too late.

Here are some green tips to help save our Earth!

Do not leave appliances on standby
Use the "on/off" function on the machine itself. A TV set that's switched on for 3 hours a day (the average time Europeans spend watching TV) and in standby mode during the remaining 21 hours uses about 40% of its energy in standby mode.

Move your fridge and freezer
Placing them next to the cooker or boiler consumes much more energy than if they were standing on their own. For example, if you put them in a hot cellar room where the room temperature is 30-35ºC, energy use is almost double and causes an extra 160kg of CO2 emissions for fridges per year and 320kg for freezers.

Use the washing machine only when it is full
If you need to use it when it is half full, then use the half-load or economy setting. There is also no need to set the temperatures high. Nowadays detergents are so efficient that they get your clothes clean at low temperatures.

Take a shower instead of a bath
A shower takes up to four times less energy than a bath. To maximise the energy saving, avoid power showers and use low-flow showerheads, which are cheap and provide the same comfort.

Use less hot water
It takes a lot of energy to heat water. You can use less hot water by installing a low flow showerhead (350 pounds of carbon dioxide saved per year) and washing your clothes in cold or warm water (500 pounds saved per year) instead of hot.

Be sure you’re recycling at home
You can save 2,400 pounds of carbon dioxide a year by recycling half of the waste your household generates.

Choose products that come with little packaging and buy refills when you can
You will also cut down on waste production and energy use! As well, buy recycled paper products: it takes less 70 to 90% less energy to make recycled paper and it prevents the loss of forests worldwide.

Reduce waste
Most products we buy cause greenhouse gas emissions in one or another way, e.g. during production and distribution. By taking your lunch in a reusable lunch box instead of a disposable one, you save the energy needed to produce new lunch boxes.

Buy fresh foods instead of frozen and eat less meat
Frozen food uses 10 times more energy to produce than fresh foods. By the way, did you know that the energy used to produce 1kg of meat is enough to let you drive a car for 3 hours? Methane is the second most significant greenhouse gas and cows are one of the greatest methane emitters. Their grassy diet and multiple stomachs cause them to produce methane, which they exhale with every breath.

BE A CAPTAIN PLANET TODAY! :)

SAVE THE EARTH!!!

http://www.avaaz.org/blog/en/w/ben/2007/08/bushs_awful_climate_plan.php

Oh. My. Gosh.

If I can get proof that everything written inside is true, I am so going to skip my lunches everyday to donate.

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I have to say that the ability to write is one of the nicest gifts God has given me (other than some of Mum's home-cooked coolness of course). I can pour out anything that's going on in my mind without any restrictions. Unlike blogging, it allows me to really express certain feelings I cannot share with the world, and it really is a huge blessing. Of course I can always pray about it, but somehow it just feels really different when I'm putting it down black on white.

I just reread some of my previous diary entries from months and years ago, and blimey, it felt like retracing the path I walked and walking through it one more time. I "watched" myself grow up again, since the first time I wrote into the diary. I was really childish then :) I guess I'll look back a few years later and find myself a really stupid guy now. Whatever! It feels great!

Post again soon...

Sick!

Gosh don't sicknesses take loads out of you. Whatever you say, it took lots out of me.

Praying...

YOYOYO!

There always comes a time when you find that you need some reassurance and encouragement from the people around you. There comes a time when you need to know that others are around to help you out of that ordeal. Many people are not so lucky to get these ostensibly simple things.

There always comes a time when you are down, and you need someone to help you get back up on your feet. There comes a time when friendship seems futile and life seems meaningless. No one can rid themselves of these things easily.

I am a really lucky person.

The change did not propagate itself in an instant, nor did it create an explosive reaction within me. It was progressive, rooting itself slowly in me while I got about my daily routines, and suddenly I saw. No explanation for it, there probably is but its beyond my grasp, but I just started seeing the light. I started seeing everything beautiful around me. Family, friends, the well-lit pathway that my life is supposed to go through.

I love these people in my life. Its simple, and risking myself sounding like a zen master, and yet it is profound beyond description. They are of utmost importance to me because they love me for who I am, and that is a priceless gift beyond the all the riches of the world. Infected by a plethora of positive thoughts now. I know this feeling is all ephemeral, but I will do my best to retain it within me for as long as I can. Even if it disappears, though, I know that it will come again.

Just like how it never rains for too long, and just how the Sun has to give way to the moon. Its all good.

Life may bring its own set of troubles and sorrows with it, and you have to fight. Fight with the knowledge of eventual victory, and fight with the knowledge that these troubles would not last long. Good times will come sooner or later, you just have to be patient.

Love is patient, Love is kind. Live your life looking forward to happiness!

Shine

Just a corny poem I wrote today...
-------------------------------------------------------------------

You don't have to shine alone my friend
Lead the lost, light the path, cease the rain
Shine, as the sun does without refrain
Shine, as the stars in the sky burn in a fiery lane

Give life, give love, lit the night
Share the love endless and the light
Take pain, take hate, take the dark
Let not the suffering make its mark

Courage you'll find along with happiness
When the love you share is endless
Through turbulent times we'll press
And the light, will never ever shine less
And the light, will never ever shine less.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Seize the day, seize the night, seize every opportunity to shine. Been thinking about that a lot. I guess thinking about all these things isn't really of much use because I always end up going round and round in circles without ending up anywhere. Guess education's not really done its part to make me a holistically better person.

Because the best things in life are all illogical.

Love's a fallacy, knowledge's all free,
It's just you and me, thanking God for the library.

Funny. I actually made those two lines sound illogically right. Heh. Gotta copyright that.

That's the gist of my whole post today, people. The best things in life are free, and it all just boils down to whether you really, truly appreciate them. Now let me phrase my message, Mastercard style.

Case 1:
Liposuction: $1000
Consultation fees: $150
Weight-loss therapy: $500
Fat-burning massage: $100

The perfect figure: Priceless.

Case 2:
Refreshing run in the park: Free
Swimming at the beach: Free
Eating less for a week: -$50
No junk food/drinks: Saving your own life and money.

The perfect figure: Priceless.

Now which one has more benefits? Heh. The best things in life are really free; love, joy, family, friends, smiles, laughs, now I know how much I've been missing out.



We can change the world, one person at a time. For our own future. Do something about it. http://www.avaaz.org/en/stop_the_clash

Worries.

So many worries to worry about. When I think about it, the possibilities are endless. I could be worrying about virtually everything, worry after worry, until the day I die.

Better set my priorities right by worrying about the things I should worry about and dumping the rest...

Always praying for the Korean hostages, praying to God to give them the faith and strength to face the worst. Praying for their safety, and wishing for their return.

















They might physically be prisoners, but that's as far as it'll ever go. God is with them.

So Smile

Slowly, sweetly, so tenderly
Come into this world, you invite me
Let it go, release, it's okay
Saw these chains, mellowly take me away
Sweetness, tasteless, it's so dangerous
Senseless, weightless, beauty
Is this it? is this really it?
But wait, there is more, a lot more

Sing me an art, craft me a song
Afraid of freedom, this careless soul
Afraid to drown in the beauty within
Too much in my hands, afraid to drop everything
Shape me a word, a single one,
To shine the courage of a thousand suns,
"We are two rivers, you cannot drown,
Two beautiful rivers that will flow as one.

There is nothing to hold, nothing to drop,
Only to drift in, and never to stop,
I am you, and you are me,
The word is us, and we fly free. "

There is so much more, than you'll ever know.

I'd stopped my rants and started regrouping. Apparently I'm on a breakdown cycle with the countdown timer going off every six months with uncontrollable recurrences in between. I thought I knew lots of things, but the greatest knowledge I have now is that I'm the biggest idiot of them all.

No, this is not self-deprecation but an honest accounting for all my stupidity and ignorance over the past few months.

I realise my all-too-human flaw is a huge obstacle to overcome, for it comes unconsciously from within; the Rage, the Fool, the Careless and the Lazy. My worst enemies, each one of them, and all of them are within me. All of them desecrating my life and my soul.

Its about time I got down to humbling myself and righting my wrongs. So difficult, yes, but so necessary. It's long overdue...

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Another update from the school library, given my 1.5 hour break I'd better be doing something useful -or something I like, like blogging, for that matter- and not waste my time idling away. I realise that my mood fluctuates as much as my weight (range of 73-76kg depending on training days), and sometimes- i wonder why- my mood is just totally foul when the Mariners lose a series.

Which leaves me mooning over why I'm feeling relatively cheerful after getting to know that Mariners lost 9-2 in the finale, ending my 6-game streak in mlb.com survivor. Still cheerful.

Honestly today was started in a broody mood, the unmistakable sign of a deprived soul, but somehow certain songs got my heart up and running again. Which really just shows how easily my mood can swing around, a flaw, but not necessarily a bad flaw if you get what I mean. Kind of like a double-edged sword.

"Think less, smile more." Easy way to put it, really tough to pull off for me. I really envy those who can just stop thinking about something and settle into an endless void with the ease of lifting a finger. Its a gift, but not necessarily a good gift if you get what I mean. Kind of like a double-edged sword.

Now you'd probably be able to see what I'm trying to drive at. Maybe not. Its just that lightness of the heart, for this matter, may or may not be a good thing. Difficult and risky as it is, though, I would love to be able to achieve that proper, perpetual lightness. People tell me not to take things too seriously, not to think too much, but its not easy too achieve. Thinking, when carried out in the modern world, often brings about depressing thoughts of damnation and catastrophe (in a wide variety of magnitude). Depending on the railway on which your train of thought travels, though, the glass can be half-full (or half-empty) according to your own way of thinking.

Perspective. Yes. You can build that railway through scenic mountains or even desolated ruins. You have the freedom to choose the scenery you yourself will see. The same thoughts would trigger differing reactions on your part, depending on your perspective, and sadly many people miss out on this fact that most of their lives hinge on these thought-carrying railways.

Do you see the glass as half-full or half-empty? Do you see happiness as ephemeral, or do you try to retain it for as long as you can? When you lose something, do you complain, or do you think about how others can benefit from it?

I try to be kind to everyone. Its really hard, now that I've seen so many more faces of the society (certainly not all), to really be considerate to people who really puts in a lot of hard work to make your life difficult. I try anyway. I fail. I try again. I fail again. I begin to lose hope... Then something brings me back to Hope, something inside tells me to go on, and I try again.

Sadly I have failed on many counts, even reducing myself to the level of hate. I despised myself for having to sink myself to such an inferior level, but it really is difficult. Being the human that I am, I am weak. I cannot find the will to keep fighting for others who don't even want to save themselves. I cannot live out the unfailing love.

I am weak. I cannot go on, yet I cannot stop in my tracks.

I know, all the time, deep inside, who to turn to. I know exactly who to turn to, but I don't do it. I think that I can solve the problems, given a bit of time, and I am reluctant to turn away from this path I tread.

Now, temporarily (being the human I am), all the present is now the past.

I was weak. I was reluctant to turn away from the path I trod. Now I turn to the light, silently wishing, praying that I can keep to the rocky path without deviating. Selfishness, I throw aside, wishing, praying that He'll never come back to me. From the claws of Rage, Foolery, Carelessness and Laziness, I escape, wishing, praying that they'll never find me.

And there is only One who truly has Power, Grace and Mercy at his side. The only one who can lift me up from the abyss.

If I would get joy in Your place
I would reject it
because She is at Your side. Always.

Reason Why

I think about how it might have been
We'd spend out days travellin'
It's not that I don't understand you
It's not that I don't want to be with you
But you only wanted me
The way you wanted me
So, I'll head out alone and hope for the best
And we can hang out heads down
As we skip the goodbyes
And you can tell the world what you want them to hear
I've got nothing left to lose, my dear
So, I'm up for the little white lies
But you and I, know the reason why
I'm gone, and you're still there
I'm gone, and you're still there
I'm gone, and you're still there

So, steal the show, and do your best
To cover the tracks that I have left
I wish you well and hope you find
Whatever you're looking for
The way I might've changed my mind,
But you only showed me the door

So, I'll head out alone and hope for the best
We can pat ourselves on the back
And say that we tried
And if one of us makes it big
We can spill our regrets
And talk about how the love never dies
But you and I, you and I, know the reason why.

Again, part of the lyrics for another song (by Rachael Yamagata) which really got me going these few days. Slow, steady, and powerful beyond mere words. Amazing how songs can drive you (*cough*chaccaron*cough*) nuts or even make you stronger. Life's a bitch sometimes all the time, but hey, life's not that bad when you can lock yourself up in a room and sing the loudest you can to an invisible audience. Really helps destress or whatever.

Just trying to be strong, as always, and trying to be happy. Life's not all that bad when you love it for what it is a bitch. But hey, who cares. I've still got a really long road to run over here, and I'd better love it.

"Never apologize for showing feeling, because if you do, you're sorry for just being the human you are."

No regrets. Life goes on...

Gravity

Gravity

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do
I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.
You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much
than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.
Set me free, leave me be.
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
But something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.

A part of a song's lyrics I found on 1 million love messages, really nice. Adequately describes my relationship with God. I know He's there even when I leave but I always end up going back to where I was. Something always brings me back to Him.

Unintentional hiatus, really.

If anyone of you actually noticed, I've been online only for like, once a week for ages now. I don't know what happened (maybe I found the multi-million dollar secret to ending computer addiction) but I just don't really use the computer nowadays. Sometimes I really feel like using the computer but I always end up not using it. Wonder why. Of course, with me not using the computer, blogging comes less and less (unless I'm in the school library, which is the case now) but I don't plan for my blog to die anytime soon. I will still post sometime or another (hoping for readers) just for the fun of it.

Alright. Life's been much less a chore than a pleasure lately, which actually is a huge improvement from recent times when I was in a fully pissed state. Lessons aren't really that bad now actually. Somehow I've managed to adjust to the style of education here, albeit a little too slowly.

Talked to Dad yesterday about his sermon and stuff like self-esteem and all that. Woke me up quite a bit, that. Realised how lucky I am to have a caring family which is proud of me and what I am. Pretty nice turn of mindset, really. Waking up feels different today than what it felt like yesterday, and it just gets better everyday.

Hoping that this mood would last me for a while, becaus eit sure feels good to be happy.

Coooooooooool

Saturday, July 21st, was by far the coolest day of the year. Sadly, even cooler than my birthday (in which I had to do math homework), and cooler than any day in the holidays.

Saturday morning, waking up felt pretty bad because I had to go for math tuition for the first time this year. Got lost trying to find the tuition teacher's house and found it only an hour later, after walking around the whole of Bukit Batok and getting drenched by the rain. Surprisingly I was not really pissed by the time tuition started, but somewhat happy (unknown cause) and learning well. 12.30, left for the CIP I had signed up for during Volunteer's Fair...

MRT Ride was really long but I was fine throughout, reached Orchard right on time but earlier than the rest of the volunteers, so we (Me, Henry, Zhanyi) got our 'early birds prize' from Qiaohan. Lol. Then we set off all around Orchard Road trying to get donations from the throngs of people who walk the pathways...

"Care to donate, sir?"
"Care to help the disabled kids, mam?"
"Nice cap sir, mind donating?"
"Do your part for charity?"

These were just some of the lines I employed in my quest for donations to the SPD. The first half of the CIP was highly disappointing as most of the people were rejecting us, looking straight through us like we don't exist, etc etc. I was getting kinda pissed but well, we kept going. Honestly I was kinda losing hope in the people of Orchard Road, but all's well that goes not-too-well and ends well. Some guy in an orange Slipknot shirt gave me $5 just like that. Woots! Omgwthbbqpork. Suddenly all hope was restored.

Kept walking around and asking every face I see to donate. Success rate is about 5% I think. People kept smiling at me (because they don't want to donate zzz) and blimey, I've never had so many people smile at me in any day of my life. Saw a few familiar faces, kept walking around for 4-5 hours, and yeah. Was quite satisfying. Kinda addictive too.

Then came the cool part.

We went to buy tickets for Transformers (yes, I haven't watched it until last Saturday) for the 9.45 show. Had two hours and fourty minutes to spend. Hmm.

So we went bowling at Marina Square, and I swear Zhanyi is the slowest and steadiest bowler I've ever seen in my life. Henry's pretty okay too. After two rounds of real fun and lots of laughter (I learnt my hook ball woots), we then went to Esplanade to sit by the river. It was such a great place to sit around in, with the National Day lights and all. Then we rushed for our show, just caught it in time, managing to smuggle some bubble tea in.

So, after two plus hours of omg-its-so-fast-paced action and omg-its-ultra-funny on-screen jokes, we found out it was midnight and ran all the way to the MRT station from Shaw House, catching the last train within a few minutes of its departure.

Woah.





















took a picture with the simpsons! :D

love today (wish i really could)

Not the end of the day yet but it was alright I guess. Thanks Galvin for the CDs, Monkey for the NICE keychain (although the zipper's kinda gay) and Henry for the wallet I have yet to receive. I have to give thanks for whatever I get because at least I got some stuff! Not everyone can get stuff on their birthdays lol. Thanks to those who wished me a happy birthday (especially those who bothered to stay up till midnight to do it) and thanks to my family (Dad wished me a great birthday, Mum cooked cool stuffs, Job actually wished me a happy birthday and my cousins did, too.)


19th July edit: I just ate my birthday cake today (delifrance fruit tart woots) and thanks Waritta for the Spongebob-from-Korea hahahah its cool!

The day is here. Again?!

I've spent one whole year waiting for the day to come, and now that its so very near I don't even know what to expect from it. Past few instances of this day brought few surprises and little bits and pieces of love from family and friends though, and I have to learn to be grateful for everything I receive.

Everytime this time of the year comes, I am brought to realise how time flies, and how milestones pass by without notice. Many times I have put my time to tasks of little ficundity, and I regret for having not using what little time I have in the service of others. I've been dying to watch movies, play games, dying to do everything that would allow me to derive some happiness, but have I even been wanting to help those people out there who really need my help?

What makes me so special that I get to be happy while these people suffer? It's such a disadvantage to be born into a position of advantage. The mental inertia is so hard to overcome. I try to help others, but its really hard to really bring myself to do it. So many barriers, so many reasons not to do it, so many reasons to just slack off.

I always think: maybe one day when I'm alone, old and sickly, it'll be my turn to be needing help, but no one will come. They'll be too busy playing bowling and watching movies.

I'm going to try to be happy tomorrow. I'll only live to see a few winters in my life, I'd better treasure it. After all, maybe I've seen my last winter.

Stadium, cool?

After my long and well-deserved hiatus due to the block tests (which actually is something like, more elegantly phrased, a withdrawal of brobdingnagian proportions from the bowel bank), I went to the National Stadium for THAT match. Yes, THAT match. Singapore vs Australia.

Alright. It wasn't only SG vs AUS. There's the age-old rivalry between Singapore and Malaysia and also some pre- and post-game entertainment by the TKSS Marching Band and the Team Singapore something-something I can't remember (but I do remember that they can fly) and also self-high emceeing by Daniel Ong and Jean Danker.

The ex-nationals match really showed one ugly side of many Singaporeans (at least the ones sitting around me). Hot-blooded cheering during the one minute of silence (they probably didn't even realise why the stadium was so quiet), laughing at players who made an effort to come down and play soccer for THEM on THEIR country's stadium closing day (why, I think they will play better football when they're 60+. Seriously.) Totally unappreciative. Looks like Singaporeans, or maybe just that group of people sitting behind me, are going to be off-schedule when it comes to becoming a gracious people. I personally would blame it on the ridiculous individualism sprouting from today's society, and I hope there'll be hope soon.






First time watching soccer in a stadium!







Then came the Aussies' match. Reached the stadium 10 minutes late (sorry Edmund and Chew!) because we went to 7-eleven to get snacks and drinks, and oh, I found that some of the people sitting behind me had changed! Maybe they'd be nicer people.

Oh gosh.

I was darn wrong. Alright, let me tell you about it.

There was this group of two guys and a girl sitting behind us (sorry I'm not a voyeur I don't take pictures of others without their knowledge so I can't show you a picture, and I don't want to risk a defamation suit so words will have to suffice). The guy we're talking about was wearing a long-sleeve shirt and a pair of jeans when it was sweltering hot in the stadium. He kept complaining that the Singapore players were not up to standard (I wonder why he wasn't down there wearing red-and-white and playing against the green-and-gold army), flourished his astonishingly colourful vocabulary everytime an error was made or a chance was missed (maybe he should have written everything down and passed it to me so I can help Team Singapore sue him for defamation), and was so incredibly annoying that Chew wanted to turn around and slap him. So did I.

Worse, he was obviously trying to use his 'vast' knowledge of the footballing community to impress the girl he was sitting with, and it was a darn serious case of ROFLMAO. Maybe you heard it at home while watching the match on the television?

"Who scored?"

"Venduka! Woah he very zai", he said, pointing at jersey no.9 Viduka.

So we were sitting there under the barrage of Vendukas until Chew nearly wanted to puke his Sour Cream and Onion Pringles out.

Oh the ego of the modern male.

Then something happened which rescued the day (other than 3 goals by the Aussie cannons, ALL on the far end of the field from where we were sitting). Chew pointed to the sky and suddenly there was an explosion. I swear Chew rigged the timing of the fireworks.





Was cool enough for a break from studies!

Goodbye.

Life's a bitch most of the time.

I don't know why it happened. I know shit happens, but shit doesn't happen to people who was just in the class next to you last year. Shit doesn't happen to 17-year olds. For all you know it could have been your classmate, your good friend.

You.

In loving memory of a Catholic High boy who was, and ever will accompany us in our hearts.

Hospital part 1

It took me exactly two days to recover, not fully, from the effects of my recent hospitalisation. Honestly, I scared the crap out of myself and my parents. I'm sorry, because I surely had scared my life-saving-thank-God-for-them benefactors, tiring them out and klonking myself out in the process. I now make an attempt to recall the happenings on that fateful transition between two days, and this is the first part...

It was supposed to be a happy day, and it was. I should have prayed for a happy, healthy night too. Sadly, I didn't.

Nightfall came, and someone delivered a torture machine right to my head. How nice. The brain-freeze-or-toast, skull-splitting kind of torture machine, all free-of-charge! Sorry, they delivered more than one machine. The supplier had kindly supplied a brand new set of fuzzy-vision eyeballs paired with a totally wicked jelly-legs knee support.

The story is just beginning.

It was the BBQ at the CH Ball Park, and I had no appetite at all. I didn't know why, so I just sat down and drank cup after cup of Pokka Green Tea. The smoke seemed to follow me around wherever I sat, so I finally resigned myself to fate and sat down at a random spot. The smoke went away instantly.

Actually I did have some appetite. I was just waiting for the pizza to come.

I'd stuffed myself with a few panadols throughout the day (two, in fact), and at night while I was just playing around with my brand-new machine and trying to figure out a way to turn it off, Jing Cheng was kind enough to tell me that my body would take approximately 30 days to rid itself of the toxins contained within that small tablet which (I swear it did) had "I-will-save-you" written all over it.

Okay. Not good. I was poisoning myself without even knowing it.

Yuan Hong came along after that and said that I looked exactly as if I was high on alcohol but not yet drunk, just like what he had achieved in Korea. I felt confused, of course, because panadol had no alcohol in it. I began to suspect that the evil pharmacists which had sold the panadol to Wai Kuong before I grabbed hold of it had spiked the panadol, meaning to intoxicate him. No wonder my head didn't feel any better, I was saving someone else the agony of consuming a spiked panadol. TWO spiked panadols. Gosh. I totally forgot what I said to YH after he compared me to being on a high, and I attribute it to the hangover at the hospital.

When I was feeling totally almost-drunk, I decided to set out for home. I figured some sleep would cure me of my subconsciousness, and I thank goodness that the pharmacists didn't spike them panadols enough to blur my ever-decisive mind too much.

It took me about 5 minutes to hobble, walk, tread, crawl, fly, dance, sprint around the whole grandstand packing my bag, and when I did, I took 10 minutes to teleport to the rubbish bin to throw my rubbish away. That was when I knew the machine was not as good as it seemed. It wasn't free because I had to go to the doctor to fix it. Darned suppliers, never gave anything without a catch.

Found some help, collapsed, and sank down into part-oblivion. I can recall only snips of my journey...

physically gone

I'll be leaving for a pretty short duration, 1 week, not too short but at the same time not too long. At least not long enough for me to fall into the abyss of ignorance.

As usual, want anything, leave a message on tagboard and I'll try to get it.

Have a good hols! (:

Sorrow

Sorrow comes through a sense of loss,
Or even the feeling of being incapable to achieve.
Sorrow comes from weakness,
And yet it can come from strength unbound.
Sorrow is a gift from God to humanity.
Adversity breeds toughness,
And the tough succeed.
Sorrow brings Joy along with it,
As he sits down with you at your table,
And he leaves without.

...

Dance for sorrow,
Sing for grief,
Chant with hearts so hollow,

Listen to the rustle of the leaf.

Unbound

He surveyed the scene which lay before him; bare, untrodden, entirely devoid of any sign of life. It was an inferno and there they were, burning right in the depths of it with no means to get out. He skimmed the horizons for the imaginary oasis, hoping desperately for another string of hope to hold on to, hoping desperately even for a fata morgana which would at least lift his spirits marginally. Anything was better than dying without having the chance to fight back. He thought of the family he had left behind in the farmlands, how he had selfishly left them to pursue his own dreams of crossing the Sahara, and how he would not be able to get back to them alive. Tears materialized, streaking the corners of his eyes.

"Hey Cart, looks like Lady Luck's taking some pity on us, look what I've found." Cassie whispered from directly behind him, making him wince with shock. He did not hear her approach. He hurriedly proceeded to wipe away the tears with his sleeve as Cassie proceeded to stand beside him on the top of the sandhill. She gazed at the endless mountains of sand which plagued their crossing. "We've got ourselves a bit of mineral water. Hell if I know how these bottles got there, but who cares?" She took a sip from the bottle she was holding in her hands and pointed to a small pile of identical bottles on the ground, "Not much, but it'll last us a few more days."

Thankful for the sudden reappearance of hope, he faked a smile and turned to face Cassie, wishing silently for his emotions not to show. All his efforts to conceal his emotions went to waste. Cassie had immediately seen through the mask and picked up every trace of misery in his face, as if she had been specially trained to do so. "Cart, I know this is difficult. You're never certain whether you'd make it through the day, whether you'll be able to go home, whether you'll be able to see you family and friends again." Cassie looked at him in the eye. Her eyes were bright, reassuring, comforting. "I'm going through that too. The both of us would have to be strong if we are to survive this hell of a desert. No pun intended." Carter wished he could take refuge in those eyes of hers, hide in there and never face the world again. For a moment Cassie looked otherworldly, as if the intricate complications of life could not take a toll on her, as if she was invincible. Then the reality of the situation came down upon him, and she was Cassie again. The both of them were in mortal danger, and the water supply was gradually diminishing. The water levels in the bottles were a rough gauge to the amount of time that they had to get themselves out of the desert, and it wasn't much.

They embraced, hoping for a miracle. Both of them silently prayed for deliverance, or at least a quick death if they were to die, so that they would not have to suffer more.

"Hey Cart, even if we die in this desert, we'll both go to heaven together." It was as if Cassie had shot him through the heart. Cassie had apparently noticed, as she switched from black humour mode into optimistic mode. She twisted her face into a reassuring smile. "There's a reason we're still alive in this bloody desert, Cart. God has his reasons. Maybe he wants to see us fight before he delivers us from all this bullshit. Maybe he's testing us to see whether we are worth the trouble. Don't falter. All we can do now is to show Him that we are worth all that hassle."

"What if all he's trying to do is just to punish us by making us suffer before we die?" Carter retorted.

"Then we show him how hard we are to kill."

With those words still ringing in his ears, Carter turned away from the endless sea of sand and, for the first time in this seemingly hopeless journey, picked up his backpack with much determination to survive this test from God. Guided by Cassey's watch (for the rough positioning of the sun) and calculations written on the sand, they marched towards the uncertain, fearing nothing.

A gust of wind blew, and the numbers disappeared into the thick of the fiery sand. The skeleton of a camel gleamed in melancholy as the travellers trudged on the ever-changing landscape.

Sandstorms were usually seasonal, but as they walked on, sandstorms occurred frequently. The travellers were fortunately well-equipped with the necessary equipment to weather out sandstorms, so surviving one was not a problem, but everytime they felt that it was safe enough to travel again they would look out and find that the whole landscape had been transformed drastically. It was as if God had, on purpose, shaped impossible mountains to block their way out. They did not falter in the face of these difficulties. Whenever one of them felt discouraged or weary, the other would be a source of comfort and warmth (not as if it isn't hot enough in the desert, but you know what I mean), and they would resume their march in better spirits. Had circumstances allowed it, the pair would have had a blissful marriage, and this imaginary marriage slid further away with the passing of every day. Water supplies were running low. They only had enough water to last a day.

The both of them spoke less and less, as speaking would rob them of the little energy they had. They, however, stole meaningful glances at each other regularly. Every time their eyes met, they found reassurance in each other's eyes, and they would move on. They worked their way up sandhills and giant mounds of sand, always working their eyes along the horizon and hoping to catch a glimpse of green.

Green never came.

There they lay on top of their empty backpacks in the freezing cold of the Sahara night, holding hands, staring out into space. Constellations hung in the void of the sky, filling their hearts with an unprecedented feeling of awe. All the despair was gone, and it was as if the stars had relieved them of the burden of life and suffering, leaving them with nought but unladen hearts. They knew they were going to die soon, for their throats felt like sandpaper and they could speak no more. The stars smiled upon them as they embraced. Probably for the last time, Carter thought. Looking up into the sky with the last shimmer of hope in her, Cassie saw something which did not belong to the world in which they were in at present, gleaming in the night sky.

It was an aeroplane.

She jerked in elation and hurried Carter to make a fire. Hobbling in pain from the miles of walking, they worked as efficiently as men in a factory. The fire was soon up. Both travellers watched hopefully as the aeroplane buried itself in the depths of the darkness.

--------------------------------------------

"Hey dude! That's a fire right there! Send an SOS to HQ now, looks like we've got some people needing rescue. Hurry!"

--------------------------------------------

The men drove out of the city and onto the desert. From the coordinates sent by the aeroplane pilots, two people were out in the desert and very much in need of some rescuing, and they were only 1 kilometer away.

True enough, they found a damaged tent within the first 5 minutes of their search. Glad to have found the survivors, the captain quickly made his way to the tent, shouting words of encouragement for the people inside and hoping to relieve them of their despair.

As he entered the tent, a dreadfully beautiful sight met his eyes.

He saw two corpses lying inside the tent, hands held tight, and it was as if death could not do them part.