go.

the world flies by
i could not watch it go
the stars, the sky
the lights they all go low

the songs, they cry
a heart must take the blow
the shades pass by
the wind it just said 'go'

the sun is shy
it hides away it's glow
the words run dry
i wish it all could flow

but know this sigh
my soul it needs to grow
im not so high
my heart still needs to know

hear the sound of the soul

there must be a place in the world for us.
there must be, and a place not simply good but a place that is home.
I know not what lies ahead but I know this:

an eternal search, a chasing after a silhouette in the horizon.
it knows not fatigue and it knows not shame.
ask, you may, and it perhaps shall be given. or perhaps it shall not.

which do you believe?

simply, the solution of life stands not simply as a solution, but of beautiful words and works crafted by worn hands and a contrite soul. of ravishing refrains sung by eternal voices of smooth gold.

it is this, simply because the road is deadly narrow and the future dim - a mere flickering candle in the darkened distance. seek it true, will you not? or will you perhaps watch it fade into the crumbling night?

sing for me, sing for the songs of old. beyond the beauty, beyond the heart, simply of truth beyond knowledge and a future ever unknown.

walk into the void, courage as steel and relentless. believe. tread the narrow path. hear your voices ring through the night.

watch now the heavens part, watch now the winds succumb. watch now the world oblige.

watch us sing.

Life.

Swallow your dreams; take it like a man. That is what they say; all the time.

But when the world brings you but unknowns and variables, the strongest men wilt and the tides of change sweep us off our feet. The world knows not what it does.

Do you?

They say the winds of change can be harvested, the sands of time calmed. They promise you the sky and beyond, when they know not what they promise of. Trust, you can. Hurt, you also can. Know, can you know?

They tell you a million things, a billion things, all about your life and the world around you. They tell you what you want to know; rather they tell you what to want. They tell you what a good life means and they tell you what you need.

They know not of your heart, the yearnings of your soul, and the hunger in your veins. The stream of hope and love, of legendary passion, of a miracle merely unlived. What future awaits us, had this stream been freely flowing?

Life waits not for man, and truly, no future waits for you. You fight, no flight, you slice and dice it all out. No life is unable, no passion for naught. The future is your choice.

They speak of what they believe in, they believe in what they speak of. The cycle never falls to black; the tyranny of repetition sells your heart.

I believe in truth; in care and in love. In light beyond darkness, hearts beyond minds. In unity above battles, and in the never-ending flow of hope within the confines of all our souls – merely trapped, never vanquished.

Awake. Sing. Rejoice and smile at the beauty of this world before you fall any further. 

Pick yourself up. Never let you go.

Live.

'Til I Hear You Sing

Ten long years

Living a mere facade of life

Ten long years

Wasting my time on smoke and noise

Ten long years
Happened in less than five
Ten long years
Taking my life out without poise

In my mind
I hear melodies pure and unearthly
But I find
I can't give them a voice without you

In my mind
I see a precious life lived gracefully
But I find
I can't live it right like you do

My Christine, my Christine
Lost and gone, lost and gone

Life pristine, life pristine,
lost and gone, lost and gone

The day starts
The day ends
Time crawls by

Night steals in pacing the floor
The moments creep
Yet I can't bear to sleep
'Til I hear you sing

'Til I hear you sing

'Til I live my song.

"Hear again the sound of my heart,
The sound that resonates,
With the heart of the lost.

The song that courses through my veins,
And yet beyond my knowledge;
Left to devices beyond control."

I wake only to weep,
And weep to live again.
Life shall proceed as life,
I lack, I fail, I do not live.

But hope I have found;
So near, yet so far.
A life I wish could be,
But might never see.

Oh dare I take that step?
So sweet, yet so far.
A life I wish could be,
But might never see.

My heart beats with every word,
My soul sings with every line,
My mind marvels at every step,
A life I wished could be.

I will curse the day I did not do,
What my heart commands me to.

Library Worm

And so life goes on, except this year I am going to the party dressed as a library worm (and really acting the part), which isn't really anything bad except that with these things come a trade-off and its beginning to show up slightly in my psychology.

Ohwell.

Doh

So I was looking through my old posts thanks to Messi who wanted to read some of my short stories!

Its so weird how I'd forgotten what I've written in the past. Like I'd read this random emo post with a message hidden in between the lines and I couldn't for the life of me remember what was going on in between the lines! Gee, to think that all these things are but 4-5 years away. It is quite disturbing really what you forget in the span of 5 years.

Now that its raining and quiet at home I finally get some time to play piano (albeit being a terrible amateur) and think about things. Well as is always the case, I kinda came to the conclusion that I was stupid to have done and said certain things that were better left unsaid because the circumstances were just too screwed up anyway. Well I can't take back whatever's been said and done right? So I told myself I'd do my best to right the wrong and hopefully make things better. Nobody can get through life without making a mistake, and this would probably seem so trivial in like 1-2 years when hopefully I come back and reread this post.

Message for the future me: Jo you know you have always been trying your best in life, to be a good friend, good son, good brother good student, good athlete, good whatever; and there is no reason for you to stop trying because what you have is precious. I hope you haven't changed too much in that aspect (: It doesn't matter what negative things people say about you, you're simply trying your best in life to be your true self. You might feel low sometimes, feel like there's no way out, feel like nobody cares, but those feelings are lies you will get through. Live through every now with conviction!

ISAZHYFMALH.

Within a month, I'd probably will forget what that thing stands for anyway.

Living Alone

Just had a chat with Yeri today. He's all alone in Jakarta now, and it will be so for a few years to come.

He's feeling... Sad. Obviously. Staring at the ceiling and thinking about the fragility of life. People do that a lot when they're alone and have nothing to do. Well at least I do. Been home alone for a few days myself... I can't think what Mum has to go through every single day we go to school and only return at night. She definitely deserves more than that.

It scares me, these few days alone. Scares me a lot.

One day, when I have to leave everyone to chase my dreams.

Will I be strong enough to hold on?

If 2 days alone can amount to an emotional roller coaster (my fault, really),

What can 3 years do?

I have to be strong.

Only then will Mum and Dad be able to let me go without worrying too much.

For now, I'll keep trying to live my life the best I can.

RAWR.